The Choice is Yours: Women do the Choosing
With the exception of a few guys, most men are at the mercy of a woman’s decision. I now pay more attention than I used to when I am out around the city. I listen more to my surroundings. As I have opened my ears and paid more attention to the conversations that happen around me, I hear some of the same things over and over. One thing is for certain; men will only do what you allow them to do.
One of those things is some women feel they always land the same types of men. Maybe they attract men who verbally abuse them. Maybe some guys always lie. Some attract men with no jobs, or car, or career prospects. Whatever the case may be, I say to you, “The Choice is Yours.” Of course men are good at getting what they want, so initially they may create a façade of themselves so they can get what they want. It will sound good, and you’ll buy in to the idea.
Men can be deceptive and dishonest at times. There was a time in my life that I courted several different women simultaneously. Though I wasn’t dishonest, I was manipulative. I felt that as long as I was being honest, I wouldn’t feel bad about manipulating them since I told the truth. And since I was a gentleman, had manners, and was chivalrous, it was easy for me to court and date several women at the same time. The flip side of this coin was that the women ended up catching “feelings” although I shared that I never had any intentions of having a serious relationship with them.
How could women go for these types of circumstances? As I have matured, I still ask myself this question and I’m sure many of you reading this ask the same thing. Why would a woman degrade herself by allowing a man to do what he wants, with whom he chooses? There are a lot of young men these days with no regard for the consequences of their actions. And women are consistently choosing these men. From the first time a man approaches you, there is an initial thought of whether he meets your criteria, is attractive enough, and how far you want to go with him. This is a rapid thought process and almost immediately a woman knows what her stance is. But some women feel lonely. Some women are compensating for the love maybe they didn’t receive as a little girl from their fathers. Maybe they have been single for a while and start to get that “itch.” Maybe some women feel their biological clock is ticking and they don’t want to grow old alone.
Whatever your reason, don’t choose a man based on any of these reasons. You may find yourself allowing certain standards to bend in regards to these factors. Love yourself. Wait it out. That’s a sure indicator these days what a man’s true intentions are. Instant gratification is almost unanimous in today’s dating scenarios. You may see other women who look like they couldn’t be happier in their relationship. Maybe all your friends look like they are living the life on social media. Don’t believe the hype. Don’t bend your standards. A lot of people dressed up are messed up.
Here’s what some men say if you ladies would like the “inside scoop.” Successful men often wonder why women want the “bad boy” types when they are younger, and once they get older, only then are they ready for the “good” guy. In their youth, the good guy is usually not exciting, doesn’t live on the edge, and doesn’t have that “bad boy” appeal. So women choose the latter. The choice of course is not ever to their advantage. And by the time they are ready to settle down, the successful man is not targeting them as viable candidates for long term relationships and eventually marriage.
To further illustrate this phenomenon, here is an excerpt from Chapter 7, Baggage Claim from “The Truth.”
“By the time they’re in their twenties, they’ve already been talking to a bunch of young knuckleheads who have no clue how to treat a woman, much less how to be a good husband or father. Therefore, young women are often already scorned before they have even had the opportunity to meet The Good Man, and they will spend a large portion of their lives wondering why they get stuck with crappy guys, or a lifestyle that they feel they didn’t choose. That’s when the question arises, “Why can’t guys just be real?” I tell my daughter that even if you don’t realize it, the choices you make when you’re young have an impact on your results as you get older. The same is true about the men you choose. When this process is done over and over, it creates a wall within women’s hearts that is covered with barbed wire. You will never get over that wall, guys. Then years go by, and when she’s finally ready to settle down, she brings all this “baggage” to the good man who won’t deal with it in most cases.”
What am I saying? Make better choices with the men that you choose.
Here are the 7 tips to help you avoid choosing the wrong guy.
1.Recognize that a man is still just a man even when he tells the truth, is a gentleman, and doesn’t treat you bad. Even if he doesn’t fit the description of all the other subpar men you are used to, examine more what he does rather than what he says.
2.Make sure you aren’t in the friend zone. If he doesn’t answer the phone sometimes, is inconsistent often, is elusive and sometimes hard to reach, chances are you aren’t the only woman he is talking to. If he says “We’re just friends,” then you aren’t an item. He is having fun and enjoys your company, but he doesn’t want you like that. He will take bold steps to let you know you’re his.
3.Don’t let sex confuse your heart and make you believe you’re in love. Ladies, just because a guy says he loves you during sex, or he says this to get you to have sex with him, look at it for what it really is. Some women feel that if you have sex with them, you must love them, or you must be in love with them. If it’s with anyone other than someone you’ve been with for at least five years, or are married to, it’s probably just a sex thing. Men and women look at sex and intimacy very differently. (From Chapter 8 Sex & Intimacy, The Truth: Keepin’ it 100)
4.Make him wait. If he mentions sex within the first 5 dates, that’s primarily what he wants. That’s not necessarily 5 consecutive weeks, but 5 different times that the two of you meet to spend time together.
5.Don’t choose a man out of desperation, or for any other reason I mentioned earlier in this post.
6.Don’t compare yourself to your friends or anyone else. Chances are they are struggling with the same issues you are. Don’t believe what you see on social media. It is probably somewhat “fabricated.”
7. Have the Courage to walk away. The power of choice is a commanding option. It empowers you when you say “no” to something that you normally wouldn’t decline. It puts the ball back in your court and lets you tell your life what direction you want it to go instead of feeling like life is the driver and you’re just along for the ride.
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For additional information on avoiding selecting the wrong mate, please check out my YouTube video coaching on the same topic.