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How do you move on from pain that is still present?
If that wound is still hurting how do you find the courage to move on?
I will give you some tips to teach you how.
Have you been hurt in the past? Are you afraid to put your heart in someone else’s hands? Have you been broken down before and you don’t want to go through it again? I’ve been there too. And it’s not a good feeling. But I’ve also healed, and learned how to deal with this kind of difficulty.
So how can you make this transition? How can you heal? I’m glad you asked. I got you.
The Fact About People in General
Let’s get a few facts out of the way first. Everyone won’t be good to you. It’s just a fact. There are some rotten folks who don’t know how to appreciate a good thing. But there are also some very awesome folks who are waiting to meet someone like you. There are people just like you who have gone through similar things, and are waiting to find that real person. But I’ll tell you that you won’t be ready if you’ve been hurt and you haven’t taken the 4 steps I’m going to mention in this article.
The great thing about our hearts and the way we are designed is that God allows our hearts to withstand extreme pleasure, and extreme pain. He allows us to be able to heal, but there are some practical steps we can take to get through this process.
The Steps to Recovering From Your Past Hurts
Step 1: Give Yourself Time to Heal– How often have we survived a bad relationship, only to jump into another? I don’t know about you but I’ve done that. I got tired of the constant carousel of disappointment. You know, going around in a circle and experiencing the same things over again? I finally figured out I had to do something different and select different types of people to be around if I wanted to get different results. I’m saying that when you get out of a bad situation, take some time and just reflect to yourself. We learn something from all of our encounters. It is up to us to figure out where we made the mistake, and learn from it. And we need time to think about what it is we can take away from that negative experience.
That’s optimism in spite of whatever depression, discouragement, doubt or fear we experience. Take away the positive thing you learned so you’ll never let it happen again. That’s the thing you can smile about. I’m still here! I survived, and I will never do that again! Fresh starts are amazing! It’s not over. It’s not finished. It’s only the beginning. (For a song that makes you feel absolutely wonderful about a new beginning, try Israel and New Breed’s It’s Not Over– from the album Jesus at the Center) I promise it will have you feeling wonderful inside. You may even shed a tear. Emotions do that to us sometimes. (Not me, because I’m a man-in my manly voice. I’m just kidding.) Check it out.
Step 2: Learn How to Forgive– what comes to mind is chapter 7, Baggage Claim in my book The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. Baggage claim is about carrying around extra weight that you may have gained from bad experiences. You may have experienced liars, cheaters, people who mistreated you, and from those negative experiences, you harbor resentment, pain, and never let go of it. And the reason we harbor all that pent up anger, aggression, hurt and emotion is because we never took the time to truly forgive the people who have done us harm. I didn’t say forget what they did, but I said forgive. Forgiveness isn’t for them, it’s for you. When you truly let go of that burden of carrying all that weight from the past (i.e. baggage), you then allow yourself to start the healing process. Learn how to forgive.
In addition to Step 2, to help you with the forgiveness part, (because that’s sometimes the one we struggle with the most), you can join a support group to help, or a church with a good support structure, or an advocacy group that advocates that type of thing. If you’re in Houston you can join my church, Fallbrook Church and they have a great structure for helping the community, and support groups for almost everything.
Step 3: Start Fresh– Wipe the slate clean. There’s nothing worse than a person making you pay for something that happened to them in the past. When you start a new relationship, or even if you’re just starting to date again, don’t assume that all people are the same. We don’t all have the same motives. I’ve met people who treated me harshly because they had been so damaged, that they just couldn’t trust anyone. This applies to any type of relationships, friendships, or otherwise. You are severely limiting your potential happiness if you label everybody before you’ve had the chance to determine their character.
In the words of one of my favorite R&B soul singers,” I’m not to blame for the pain that was caused by previous cats.” I’m about to listen to that right after I get done writing this. (No lie, I’m putting on my headphones right now). To hear a song with a nice tune and establishes the point that you’ve got to see a person for who they are, listen to Musiq Soulchild’s Previous Cats. (From the album Juslisen)
Step 4: Give Yourself the Opportunity to Experience Something New– Some people always have that mindset there will never be any people of substance, there won’t ever be any good guys, or it must be too good to be true when they do meet someone nice, and we have to get out of that state of mind. That frame of thinking is toxic to our forward progress. I’m saying be optimistic about your future. If you’re always negative, more than likely you’ll experience negative results.
That type of energy will gravitate towards you because even without saying it, your outlook is pushing you in that direction. Clear your mind and start accepting the possibility that greatness lies ahead, and it is waiting for you to embrace it. If you shoot for a mark, you’ll hit it every time. If you aim towards negativity -you can see where this is going.
For more on how you can be in control of the attitude you carry around, read Attitude is a Choice
So let’s get to becoming stronger, motivated, driven individuals with the world as our canvas. Let’s paint a great Picasso or Michelangelo. It’s up to us though to help in our own progress. Practice these steps and I hope they bring you peace, prosperity, and blessings! I hope I’ve brought you value. Sign up to my email list and check out my other blogs. I’m passionate about helping you folks achieve your greatest potential!
Now I’m going back to listening to my album. I told you. I wasn’t kidding. I’m listening to Music Soulchild’s album Juslisen. #singing-If I would’ve knew. #snapping my fingers and bobbing my head. Thanks for allowing me to sow positive seeds in your life!
I wanted to mention that I’ve started a brand new show called the #askmarioshow. You can ask any question you want and I’ll answer it on the show. Check out the first episode below.
I’ve already got over 100 episodes lined up from people just like you that I’m going to answer. Ask your question here. The first 5 episodes are done. You can check out more videos on my brand new revamped video page. View videos here.
These are a few ideas that you can implement right now to start building a healthy relationship, and watch a transformation in your relationships.
The area of relationships is such a major factor in people’s lives that it can affect their standard of living. That’s why I’ve devoted entire chapters to addressing these issues in my book. To get an in -depth guide to navigating relationships, check out my book, The Truth: Keepin’ it 100: The Blueprint to Relationships.
I’m dedicated to helping you build those quality relationships. Its all in the book! And if you want to learn even more tips, tricks and strategies behind the way men think, then you’ve got to listen to this podcast!