Often when we think of the “dream” we think of the white picket fence, 2.5 kids, 2 cars, a nice house, and the list just goes on. So society has already placed in our minds what they think The American Dream means. And we adopt the same mentality and thought process when it comes to it. It’s “dreamy.” It’s a nice goal to aspire to no doubt. But is that really what we need to be thinking about when on the search for someone to build that “dream” with?
It’s good to dream. I do it all the time. These articles and my books and courses all started form a dream. But when we are talking about a partner, or someone we are choosing to build a life with, we shouldn’t dream, but look at what is right in front of us. Most of us are epic failures in this department. I’m no different. It took me some time before I learned to smarten up and start to look at things in a different light.
So we’ve already tried to get some focus and direction with the first question of the series. Now, we need to know what we want before we can ever try to get someone else to fit that idea and that life dream we have. So this series of questions is just helping to narrow the focus so that when we are selecting potential partners, at least we have an idea of what we want so we just don’t accept any random person that looks nice, smells good, and says all the right things. We can establish principles and boundaries where we can clearly see red flags that violate what we want when they appear. Here are a few pointers you can use to help narrow your focus and clear your vision.
Look at what he does more than you listen to what he says
I’ll admit guys can be really persuasive, especially when they are trying to get something they really want. In this case, it’s going to be you. It’s going to be your love, your time, and yes, eventually those sweet goods you keep between those legs of yours. So you must be careful and intentional about who you dole that out to. So what do you really want in a relationship? It’s important to be clear, defined, but also realistic. A guy will sell you a dream when he really wants you or is initially trying to court you.
You’ve got to smarten up and see if he really means it. So the rule of thumb is to look more at what he does rather than what comes out of his mouth. I’ve met some really slick talkers. All men are doing are being great salesmen on why you should let them get to those sweet goods before you’re ready. If what he does is not consistent with what he says, you should open your eyes a bit wider so you can see the big picture and the truth of the situation.
Things going great? Awesome! He’s met the height requirements and the job requirements, and whatever else you think you might want. Great! But maybe he says he doesn’t want “anything serious” right now and he just wants to be friends. You better believe he means just that. So six months down the line, when you want something “more serious,” and you’re devastated when he might say, “This isn’t working out,” don’t be surprised. You always have to take a man at his word.
Know what you want.
If he hasn’t said verbally out of his own mouth you two are an item, and he just wanted to be friends months ago, well don’t expect that to change unless he says it. If you want something long-term, no matter if all those things I mentioned above are going right, it’s time to exit stage left, because clearly he isn’t ready for something long term and you are. See what I mean about knowing what you want? This helps you set a clear boundary no matter how good it’s going. Don’t buy into the dream that maybe he has the potential, and maybe he will change his mind and commit. If you’re at that point, have a discussion and be ready to walk away.
QUESTION 2: WHAT DO YOU WANT IN A RELATIONSHIP?
After finding out what you want out of life, this next question becomes easier to answer. If you want a God-fearing guy, then you probably won’t choose the guy with all the tattoos and no home training. If you want a bad boy, then you probably won’t choose the guy who’s a square. There are so many who don’t care though. They just don’t want to be alone so they choose the person that’s trying to “holler” at them at that moment. Of course that’s destined to end soon in most cases. So you have to ask yourself this question. And once you answer it, then it’s going to be a whole lot harder for someone to come in and sell you a dream. Here are some of people’s answers.
A woman who actually listens, and gives up the sex as much as I want -Dean 49
Honesty, Integrity, Loyalty -James G. 32
I want trust out of my relationship, I don’t want to have to prove to my mate that I’m faithful. That gets exhausting, been there done that -S. Houston 32
Honesty and loyalty. Someone that makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. A partner that I would never have to doubt or question their love for me. -Shannon 33
A fearless man, the only fear I want him to have is the fear of God. A man who can lead his family in every way and can instill meaningful principles in our kids’ lives. -S.B. 33
Loyalty, trust, romance, and definitely understanding. -Kandice 23
Honesty and a trusted partnership in all we do -F.J. 55
I want trust, faithfulness, and love- Melissa 25
I’ll tell you now that at the top of everyone’s list from the young to the old, they wanted to know if they could actually trust their partner. They wanted honest, loyal and faithful partners. That was the top answer to this question. Once you determine what you want in a relationship, then you’ll disqualify those that may look good, but may not be good for you even if they look nice or have lots of money. I was surprised I didn’t hear much of anything about stability, or finances. They would rather someone broke and true, than well off and a liar. That’s saying a lot. And I thought people were mostly materialistic. This correlates with Chapter 4 and 5 of The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships in which I say be strong about your standards.
What do you want in a relationship?
If you’d like to leave your answers to these questions, please leave a comment below! I’d absolutely love to hear from you. I’d love to hear your thoughts and outlooks on these topics.
I wanted to mention that I’ve started a brand new show called the #askmarioshow. You can ask any question you want and I’ll answer it on the show. Check out the first episode below.
I’ve already got over 100 episodes lined up from people just like you that I’m going to answer. Ask your question here. The first 5 episodes are done. You can check out more videos on my brand new revamped video page. View videos here.
These are a few ideas that you can implement right now to start building a healthy relationship, and watch a transformation in your relationships.
The area of relationships is such a major factor in people’s lives that it can affect their standard of living. That’s why I’ve devoted entire chapters to addressing these issues in my book. To get an in -depth guide to navigating relationships, check out my book, The Truth: Keepin’ it 100: The Blueprint to Relationships.
Here’s what you’ll get inside the book. 11 Chapters laying out a blueprint on how you can win in your relationship.
- The Introduction and Prelude to Relationships
- The Basics
- The Good Man
- The Strong Woman
- Baggage Claim
- Sex and Intimacy
- Confidence and Attitude
- The Round Table
I’m dedicated to helping you build those quality relationships. Its all in the book! And if you want to learn even more tips, tricks and strategies behind the way men think, then you’ve got to listen to this podcast!
These are a few ideas you can implement right now to start building a healthy relationship, and watch a transformation take place in your relationships!