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4 Questions you can ask and 4 tips to use when having a conversation about what you want in a relationship.
How can you get everything out on the table without coming on too strong?
I posted a daily tip in my #dailytipsbymario series, and I mentioned to get everything out on the table at the beginning of the relationship.
One comment I received I think you may all be wondering is, how can you say what you want at the beginning without scaring the person off? Lots of people revealed to me they have a tendency to come off really strong when they ask questions, or list the things they are looking for.
I’ll give you a few steps you can use, and how you can say what you want in a tactful way that won’t make it seem like you’re coming on too strong.
How Should you Lay It Out?
There was an article I read about the worst relationship advice people had ever received. It was a column I had some input on. One of the things that was listed there was to say what you’re looking for on the first date.
I agree that you should lay all your eggs out on the table in the beginning, but you don’t go and say something like “I’m looking for a husband, not a boy,” or you might say, “I’m tired of playing games, I’m looking for a real man” on the first date. That screams crazy in a swift hurry. Though this may be truthful, the men you are speaking to will automatically label you in their mind as nagging, crazy, or maybe think you have an attitude. There is nothing wrong with saying exactly what you want, but on the first date? You have to break that down over a few dates. So here’s my advice on how to do that.
You can say what you want in a way that doesn’t make you look like you’re crazy.
4 Tips to Use
Instead of making these types of comments, try asking questions. Their answers to the questions will give you indications on where they see the relationship going. If you ask the right questions, you’ll get the right answers.
- Ask tactful and insightful questions
- Mention what you want in a conversational tone.
- Don’t be combative and sometimes it’s good to indirectly address an issue
- Be patient (it will take at least 5 dates to get the answers to what you’re looking for)
I actually mention some of these type questions in the new 28-week blog series I’m writing which started last week. (You should check that out).But I’ll sum them up here for you.
4 Questions to Ask
QUESTION 1: WHAT DO YOU DO? For those of you who want to know if the guy has a job or if you’ll have to support him, instead of saying “I need a man with a job,” this is a way you can let him tell you what he does. If he says that he “hustles” or he “grinds” but he doesn’t tell you specifically what he does, he probably doesn’t have a decent gig. Men who work are quick to tell what they do. It is sort of a mating call, and a symbol of pride to let a woman know, “I have some value, and I can commit to something.” You have to go to work every day don’t you? You don’t want a bum so this is a question you can ask to figure out if they have a job or not. You don’t want to be supporting a grown man.
QUESTION 2: WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN A YEAR OR TWO FROM NOW? This question lets you know if they fly by the seat of their pants, or if they have a real plan going forward. People who just live for the moment, or only have an idea of where the next check is coming from probably won’t make a person you want to invest time in. I’m not trying to be harsh. He should at least have a plan of what he plans to do in the next 6 months to a year. That’s short term. No one is perfect but you need some stability in your life.
QUESTION 3: WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR? Simple question, and men will probably give short answers. Take it for what it is. Take them at their word. If they don’t say anything long term, they are just looking to have fun or satisfy a need whether it be physical, emotional or both. For example, if they answer, “I’m just chilling,” or they say “I just got out of a bad relationship and I’m not looking for anything serious,” they probably aren’t looking for anything long term. If you’re the person who wants a legitimate long relationship, don’t waste your time with short answers. If they elaborate on where they see themselves and it sounds as if a woman is involved in the answer, then it’s a good bet. For instance, if they said, “I’m looking at starting my business, and someone to hang out with,” that’s different than saying, “I wanted to start my own business and I want someone to share it with.” That is a good indication that he is looking for a prospective partner. When they use phrases like “build with” or “share with,” it’s a good bet. I’m not a gambler but relationships and people are unpredictable. So it is a gamble. Keep that at the front of your thoughts.
QUESTION 4: HAVE YOU GOTTEN INTO ANYTHING SERIOUS IN THE LAST 6 MONTHS? If a guy has been with a woman, or with several different women and he says it didn’t work out, ask what did she do. Even if he was the issue, asking what the women did will give you an idea of whether he shares the blame, or if he only blames others. It will also give you an indication of whether he’s a player or not. Maybe he won’t give you an honest answer, maybe he will. Use your intuition, coupled with the things he does to get a clear picture of what’s going on. Maybe you can ask how they broke up, but that’s pushing the buck a little. I’d keep it simple to asking this one and see what he says.
Here’s some advice on your conversational tone. Sometimes it isn’t what you say but how you say it. We can pick up on that and you’ll just be another complaining woman if you can’t watch the tone.
Avoid sounding like you’re complaining. When women get tired of men’s crap, when they ask questions or lay things out, that comes out in their conversational tone. Don’t say, “I’m tired of dealing with men’s crap, are you like all the other men?” Don’t take that tone. I recommend giving it 5 dates. After 5 consecutive dates together, you’ll be able to easily figure out if he’s worth the time or not. If he doesn’t talk about long term things, you’ll be able to tell by the answers to these questions. Try not to sound combative, argumentative, or irritated. Be patient and give it at least 5 different dates.
There is a quick downloadable checklist that lists some possible solutions.
- 4 tips to use when talking about what you want
- 4 questions to ask to figure out where their mindset is.
Just click HERE to get your free download. If you like free valuable tips, tricks and checklists, you can get access to my entire library of free downloads and infographics to use right away. Join my email list!
I hope this has brought you some value. I wanted to mention that I’ve started a brand new show called the #askmarioshow. You can ask any question you want and I’ll answer it on the show. Check out the first episode below.
I’ve already got over 100 episodes lined up from people just like you that I’m going to answer. Ask your question here. The first 5 episodes are done. You can check out more videos on my brand new revamped video page. View videos here.
These are a few ideas that you can implement right now to start building a healthy relationship, and watch a transformation in your relationships.
The area of relationships is such a major factor in people’s lives that it can affect their standard of living. That’s why I’ve devoted entire chapters to addressing these issues in my book. To get an in -depth guide to navigating relationships, check out my book, The Truth: Keepin’ it 100: The Blueprint to Relationships.
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