Your Ideal Partner and Accepting What You See
How often do we daydream or reminisce about that dream life? We dream about a partner who gets us, and a family with the white picket fence, a few kids, and all that jazz. I mentioned this in a previous article, Don’t Buy into the Dream.
I’ve had 2 hour radio interviews about standards, and I address it in my book with its own chapter. Standards are important, and we should all have some minimum standards we will accept so we can recognize the red flags and draw a line where our boundaries are set. I encourage people to hold true to their standards. I also encourage them to be realistic about the standards they set. For instance, saying a man has to make at least 100K is going to severely narrow down the choices of eligible bachelors you have to choose from.
Not only do we need to be realistic, we also need to accept what we see. Often, we meet someone, it goes well, and there may be some red flags. Here is what we do. We often see the “potential” in that person, and we create this whole journey of how we are going to get them to that “potential” point. The problem is that most of the time, it involves trying to change a person into something they’re not. And that’s a grave mistake.
We create that person we want them to be in our heads, instead of looking at what is right before out eyes. And a person will always fall short of those expectations, because that isn’t who they are. Now, most people will bend a little, or change slightly to mirror those things that their partner may or may not like. But core values, concepts and principles will not change. Accept a person as they are, and not for the “potential” partner they could be. If you can’t fully accept a person, all their flaws, and all their baggage, then its better to save the time and move on.
QUESTION 3: IF YOU COULD PICK 3 WORDS TO DESCRIBE YOUR IDEAL MATE, WHAT WOULD THEY BE?
Here is where people start thinking up the good stuff. It’s what I call the “fairytale world.” It’s always good to want good characteristics in your mate, but instead of living in the present of what is, we often live in the “fairytale world” of our ideas and what we want it to be. This is why so many women get with guys and are disappointed when the guy doesn’t meet their “idea” of what they think a man should be. A man will never be able to live up to that standard. How about we take the blinders off and see a person for what they really are. And if your ideal mate isn’t what you see, then don’t choose him. But, women always have an idea in their minds about “changing” a guy to some degree. Here are some folks’ answers.
Faithful, Responsible, Loving -Melissa
Trustworthy, Team- oriented, Saved -Fred
Someone with ambition, a motivator and great personality -Kandice
Funny, Loyal, and Romantic -Crystal
Strong, Sensitive (when appropriate) and Religious -Shannon
Trustworthy, Protective, Motivated -Jasmine
Trustworthy, Loyal, and Faithful -Sheena
Honesty, Integrity, Loyalty -James
Obeys, Listens, Submissive -Dean
Of course we knew that almost everyone would choose trust right? One of the responses said trustworthy, loyal, and faithful, and those all mean the same. It’s great to have an idea of your “ideal” mate, but look at every situation for what it is. Don’t live in a “fairy-tale world.” Don’t put unrealistic expectations on a relationship. It will cause disappointments. Go with the flow and if they aren’t what you want, don’t waste time. These are all issues I discuss in The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships.
I don’t think what these people answered is unrealistic or “fairytale.” Honesty, integrity, being faithful and responsible are traits that either people have, or they don’t. But we must be honest about the person we are with, and accept them fully as they are. To do anything else is really wasting time. Usually at the end of all those years, when you eventually realize they will never be that person you envisioned in your head, or they will never meet your expectations, then you may feel your time was wasted. Simply pay attention to how people are, and if they aren’t what you want, don’t try to force them to be that. It has to be a personal choice for a person to change.
If you’d like to leave your answers to these questions, please leave a comment below! I’d absolutely love to hear from you. I’d love to hear your thoughts and outlooks on these topics.
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The area of relationships is such a major factor in people’s lives that it can affect their standard of living. That’s why I’ve devoted entire chapters to addressing these issues in my book. To get an in-depth guide to navigating relationships, check out my book, The Truth: Keeping’ it 100: The Blueprint to Relationships.
Relationships affect everyone. If you have an argument or disagreement with a spouse or partner, it could cause you to have a bad day. And when you have a truly special moment, you could feel like you’re on cloud nine all day!
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If you want to check out a few other articles I’ve written, check out 3 of my most popular articles:
- Friends with benefits: 10 Reasons Guys go for it and 9 ways you can avoid it! http://bit.ly/2g8z6FU
- What Men Desire from their Ideal Woman: http://bit.ly/2gAqRAv
- The Truth Revealed: Why People cheat or have affairs: http://bit.ly/2gx2xi0
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