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QUESTION 4: WHAT DO YOU DISLIKE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS?
I’m in several different Facebook relationship groups so I can observe the prevalent thoughts, ideas, gripes and complaints that men and women have about each other and I often see the same issues repeatedly. I always hear comments like, “I hate the father of my children!” I hear the same from guys. They can’t stand the mother of their children.
Don’t you just hate arguments?
Arguments are one of my pet peeves in a relationship. I’m like most men. We are problem solvers in a swift hurry if we think it’s going to get in the way of a good meal, our football or sports, or sex. We want to come up with a solution quickly so that we can get it over with, and get our women back to where they are comfortable and no longer complaining. The funny thing is that even if we have caused the discomfort or argument that we are having, we just want it to be over quickly! So we try to find solutions to the problem. That’s how I am. I hate to argue. I will talk about it, and then once I come up with a solution, I figure we can implement that solution. Cool! Done. It’s over for me. So why is it ten minutes later, I’m still wondering what we’re arguing about since I came up with the solution ten minutes ago? But that’s never the way that it goes. It’s usually not good enough for women. They want you to be engaged in their feelings. And I’ve still got some learning to do in that area.
I hate that relationships start off with a lot of lust and fun, but it soon slowly starts to fade away. A relationship should be filled with continuous flirting. The dates soon stop. The sex soon gets dull and repetitive. Random gifts become a holiday thing. Surprises are expected. I just hate that some people think that every relationship has the same definition. -Tia 21
Now here’s the thing about her statement. She’s 21and at that age, we all would probably think that she can’t know much about much of anything right? We would probably say she needs to do some living and then see if her outlook changes. Right? But it points out a lot of things that we all fail at often times. But my book, The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships is all about her first statement. And we would be better off taking notes. Sometimes the young notice things that we overlook or should already know. Relationships start out fine, and then fizzle out. You’ve got to do the same things you did the first day to keep that fire burning.
She also said something about lust and that’s a good point to make here because all this ties in with the first few questions. As we answer these questions, it should make the view about who we want that much clearer. Most often we do start off lusting and imagining how attractive they are, how muscular or well-endowed he is, and that’s the train of thought even though we may have already answered the first three questions of this series. The answers to the first three questions may reveal that we don’t need that person but they are definitely delicious. “I’ll just ignore those red flags. I have to take a chance on love to win right? But I want it!” We disregard signs right away. I’ve done it; we have all done it even when we knew they didn’t have our best intentions at heart.
A woman mentioned yesterday as of this writing that she and her husband had been married for ten years (we’ll call her Sarah). And he sent her a text on the day of their tenth anniversary and told her he wanted a divorce. Sarah mentioned this to one of the Facebook relationship groups I’m in and then she asked the group to help explain it. It’s right there in Tia’s statement…relationships start off with a lot of lust and fun, but it soon slowly starts to fade away. A relationship should be filled with continuous flirting. The dates soon stop. The sex soon gets dull and repetitive. Random gifts become a holiday thing. Surprises are expected…these things breed complacency.
I’ll be talking about that in my next book Staying 100: Maintaining the Foundation, where I discuss continuing to love your partner. And the last thing she said was that people think that every relationship has the same definition. And with that, you have to treat every relationship with a clean slate, and build from there. People do it all the time. They compare you to the last person they had, good or bad. This is a quick way to disappoint yourself, and your significant other. Don’t constantly compare them or treat it the same as a previous relationship. You might have pleased your guy in every other relationship that you’ve been in. “Well I haven’t had any complaints yet!” But this guy may hate whatever it is that you used to please the others. Clean the slate. Here are some different perspectives and opinions.
I have no control -Johan 47
The excess of non-essential drama -Steven 32
I hate when the other person seems to get bored in the relationship, instead of them addressing their mate about the issue, they go out and cheat- Katherine32
I hate not knowing whether or not I can truly trust my mate -Jackie 27
Being Submissive! Sometimes it’s ok but sometimes I just don’t want to! (lol) -Denise 34
Arguments -Jeanine 30
Others things people disliked included being selfish and not being able to have “real talk” with their mate. But we all have things we hate about relationships. So I’ve come up with an idea that can help in this arena. I suggest having a QRA (Quarterly Relationship Assessment) every three months to see where you stand. If your relationships go through any of the above things, and they will, then every three months, maybe take a weekend off. Find a babysitter. Just the two of you take a trip. Do something alone. Make it a romantic setting and go someplace with a pleasant atmosphere because this is going to be a long drawn out discussion, not an argument. You want to lighten the mood and make the atmosphere as pleasant as possible because sometimes there may be issues that get you heated! Even I will admit that I had to learn that not every discussion was an argument.
Once you do this, have a candlelight dinner and pick a quiet spot that you and your significant other can just talk about what you do and don’t like about your relationship. Chances are there will be things that you didn’t even realize were problems. You will be oblivious to the things that you find out. But it’s good for growth and you can then fix it. I’m telling you if you are persistent you will be able to pinpoint, and address the issues and come up with solutions. This is how you prevent that surprise ten years down the line. My wife and I do this. It’s okay if you miss doing them because we don’t do them every three months on the dot like clockwork, but it’s important to pick a time and date every now and then and do it. I said three months because in a relationship, time can really fly and before you know it, a year has passed.
(Check out the entire article The Quarterly Relationship Assessment here!) I’ve revamped the whole process. It’s even more awesome and simple to manage now!
Earlier when I talked about Sarah’s situation, she probably had things building up that she didn’t notice, so it came as a shock to her when he broke the news. Ten years is a lot of time to invest and then call it quits. If you invest a little time in assessing your relationship at a regular interval, then things that breed complacency won’t creep in and start destroying things. If you don’t have money to go anyplace nice then have the discussion in your bedroom, but with no kids and the house to yourself. My wife and I do that as well. It may be a good idea to talk after you’ve had a good round of sex so at least you both will be in a good mood. I found this smooths lots of things over that you might normally get defensive or upset about.
I want to help you start building a healthy relationship, and watch a transformation in your life take place. These are a few ideas that you can implement right now to start building a healthy relationship.
The area of relationships is such a major factor in people’s lives that it can affect their standard of living. That’s why I’ve devoted entire chapters to addressing these issues in my book. To get an in-depth guide to navigating relationships, check out my book, The Truth: Keeping’ it 100: The Blueprint to Relationships.
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I’m dedicated to helping you build those quality relationships. Its all in the book! And if you want to learn even more tips, tricks and strategies behind the way men think, then you’ve got to listen to this podcast!