If you’re just joining the series, last week’s question from the series was: What do you love about relationships? This is a continuation of the series of questions from the Relationship Resolutions Series. You can go back and read any of the previous questions in the series, and participate with your own answers in the comments below!
The Million Dollar Question: Can I trust you?
It’s not a secret that trust is hard to earn but easy to lose. I’ve asked hundreds if not thousands about what bugs them the most? I ask them what’s their number one pain point and biggest challenge in their relationships. The answer is usually almost always the same. Can I trust you? This question is often the cause of a lot of heartache and worry.
One reason we are always on guard at the beginning of any relationship is because we have been a participant in life, which brings about experiences. Not all of those experiences are grand, especially when we are talking about relationships. In chapter 7 of my book, Baggage Claim, I go over this specific obstacle, and why we are conditioned to think this way. When we are subjected to lies, manipulation, worry, deceit and infidelity continuously, we tend to put up a bit of a “fence” around our heart. That’s learning from our mistakes right? Wrong. We harbor all that hurt, pain and resentment and save it for the next person we are going to try a relationship with.
Trusting is one of the hardest things to do when you don’t know a person. And if you’ve been hurt in the past, it’s going to be even harder. I’ve already written a few articles on the subject, so just to drop some jewels for you, you can check out How to Overcome Past Hurts and Start Fresh to help you through a hurtful situation form your past. You can also read one of my newest articles, How to move on from the letdown of a failed relationship. There are some great nuggets of wisdom there.
Back to learning from our mistakes, once we reflect upon what went wrong, and how we can avoid making that mistake again, we need to start fresh. Harboring pain and hurt only prevents you from moving forward to a fresh new place. This question didn’t start off asking about trust. I simply asked what was the biggest challenge in relationships people faced, and what question hadn’t been answered. The responses were mostly based around trust. I’ve included a few more for good measure below though.
QUESTION 6: WHAT’S THE ONE QUESTION YOU ABSOLUTELY WANT TO KNOW THE ANSWER TO THAT HAS NOT YET BEEN ANSWERED?
This one was bound to solicit hundreds of different opinions. At least that’s what I thought. But overwhelmingly you know what the number one answer was? They still wanted to know why people cheat, and could they trust their mate. Whether it had been years and years of marriage, a short time, if things were going well, or if things were going bad, this is still the question they asked. Everyone from all different countries, ethnicities, and cultures all had this as the top answer. It was amazing to think the thing people still can’t answer is why people still cheat. And they still had trust issues in any case. (Lucky for you, I’ve already answered this question in a previous blog, The Truth Revealed: Why People Have Affairs or Cheat)
Is it possible the man and woman can feel the EXACT same way about one another? Can it be equal on both sides? Will one’s love always exceed the other partner’s love? Alevia-23
Will you have sex with me, with another woman? -Jack 50
Why do women thrive upon drama? -James 40
Why are there more faithful women than men? -Sarah 38
Why is it that when a woman gives a man her all and puts 100% into the relationship he still finds the need/want to cheat? -Victoria S-45
Why do men feel intimidated when a woman who has been on her own for so long wants to take matters into her own hands? Be it anything! I believe men should appreciate a strong independent woman! -Cynthia 33
I would like to know why some mates have trouble trusting one another…. -Antoinette 36
Why can’t we understand each other even after knowing someone for so long? Tanya 42
Can I trust you? Clyde-58
People in life are constantly changing, and going through things. As a result, we all develop different life experiences. Change is one thing that is constant in this world. So, since people are always changing, learning, and growing, if we don’t keep communicating with them they may be a totally different person than we remember. I mentioned having a QRA every three months. A Quarterly Relationship Assessment is how you see those changes, and how you can also change and grow with your significant other. Five years is nothing in the grand scheme of a marriage or long committed relationship. The time flies by. Before you know it people are asking “How’d I get here?” or “Who is this person I married?” We have to ask ourselves these first six questions at the start of the relationship and adjust accordingly even if we just want to ignore warnings.
I came up with six questions for the input to my first book The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. The rest of the topics are derived from things I’ve seen on social media and may have thought they were good topics, subjects for my podcast that I will be doing soon or just things I thought would provoke good thought processes.
At the back of the book, I have these questions and answers that people gave. It’s an interesting read of nothing else.
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