Are you prepared? Most people aren’t…
Most people aren’t really ready for the truth when they ask for it. In my book, I talk about this in chapter 7 briefly. I interviewed several couples on the subject of infidelity and I ended up using about 6 of the different case studies. In 3 of the case studies, the cheating partner revealed they’d cheated to their partner, and in the other 3 case studies, they kept it to themselves.
The results were not shocking, but a bit surprising. You would think most people agree with taking the high road and being honest. They do until they have to deal with the consequences of their bad decisions. Sometimes people are unhappy with the current state of their unhappiness, but don’t necessarily want to leave their partner. They just want things to get better. We all do.
We all get to the point where things might get stale. Any long committed relationships and marriages endure this. We get through it though. Some people fill a void left by their partner during those times of feeling low or feeling neglected with someone else.
The Case Studies
I interviewed hundreds of people, but I just selected 3 of each to narrow the results down for you. This is what it pretty much boiled down to though.
The Truth– In the first 3 case studies, the cheating partners revealed they had cheated on their partner. In all 3 of those cases, the couples ended up severing the relationship and parting ways. First of all, cheating is wrong. We all know that. But they didn’t get any points for their honesty. Even though both knew of the problems in the relationships and failed to work on them. Most of the times, small things happen during the course of our relationships, and we fail to fix them. Small problems turn into big problems and there you have your issues.
I agree you should be talking to your partner. It’s what I teach. I’ve even developed a system called the QRA (Quarterly Relationship Assessment) to deal with the communication and dealing with issues that arise. But don’t you get any points for being honest these days? I guess not.
Ignorant Bliss– In the second set of case studies, the partners did not reveal they had cheated. They admitted they felt bad about the situation and it was deeply on their conscious. They simply stated they would take their secrets “to the grave” with them. Now here is the interesting part. In all of these cases, things were going okay to begin with. They had some rough patches here and there, but overall, things were good. It was during one of these rough patches they revealed trying to fill a void that ended up with infidelity.
Afterwards, even though they felt guilty, eventually they say they prayed for forgiveness about it and moved on. And they revealed things got better. At first I didn’t understand how things could get better, but here is how they explained it.
First of all none of them had the desire to actually leave their partners. They were just dissatisfied with the current state of their unhappiness. Trying to pursue something with someone else really solidified that they didn’t want to actually move on, they really truly did love their partner, and they needed to work things out and have a discussion. It actually made them want their partners more.
Over time, maybe you don’t realize when your partner may be a little more friskier or when they may start doing things that are out of the ordinary, but these are usually signs. For more information on this, you can read my article The Truth Revealed: Why People Cheat or Have Affairs. (It’s a pretty popular article around these parts.) I go into detail about some of the things to notice about that.
But that’s the kicker. They went on in ignorant bliss like nothing ever happened. And in the aftermath of all of these scenarios (there were way more than just 6 case studies), when asked if they would react in the same way if they had the chance to have a do-over, unanimously all revealed they would have kept it to themselves in retrospect and let the chips fall where they may. That was very interesting.
So the question is, would you want to know?…
QUESTION 7: IF A GUY OR GIRL CHEATED, BUT HASN’T TOLD THEIR PARTNER YET, AND THINGS WERE GOING GREAT, SHOULD THE OTHER PERSON KEEP IT TO THEMSELVES AND NEVER TELL SO THINGS CAN GO ON IN HAPPINESS, OR WOULD YOU WANT THEM TO TELL YOU AND IT POSSIBLY WRECK EVERYTHING?
First of all, where I stand on this is that we should always be honest, and then give them the opportunity to decide whether they want to stay with you and give you another chance, or just leave because they can’t endure the pain. (There is another angle to this that I’ll reveal in the next book). It is in retrospect that some people think about the consequences of what their actions might cost them. I think about it as women do.
Before a woman cheats, she maps out all angles and possibilities; she usually dissects every part of it, and thinks about the consequences before she does it. Women are sometimes more conniving than men, and smarter too. So the thing is lots of people who do reveal that they cheat usually end up paying a ferocious price for this revelation. People who keep it to themselves may not feel good morally about it, but at least they avoided hurting the one they love. Integrity is key here. But for me I wouldn’t want to know. I won’t go into that deep here. I’ll let you in on what others said about this issue.
Tell me. Always be honest or the relationship has no meaning. -Erica 31
Yes, honesty is important. Plus – human nature – once you (feel/think) you got away with it, what’s to keep him/her from doing it again? If there was cheating – something wasn’t right to begin with, so “now” is an illusion and unfair to both! Give the other person a chance to decide for him/herself to deal with the emotion. Some people can forgive. If you messed up, you need to stand up for it. -Janet Wilson 35, Germany
You tell the truth when you’re being asked did you sleep with this woman or this man because there clearly is something not all that happy about your relationship if you have to go sleep with someone else. And if you never tell them…you will do it again and again until eventually you get caught in some sort of way; whether it’s through email, pics, calls, or texts that show proof you have been sleeping with another… But be a man or woman about it. There is no happiness cheating on your mate -Jennifer 34
Secrets are the #1 thing that kill relationships. If you cheated on me tell me. Don’t allow me to find out on my own. You’re taking my right away to decide if I want to stay and work past it or walk away from the relationship. -Shantel J.28
It is a personal decision. Sometimes ignorance is bliss. But I think in every case, the other person would want to have the chance to make their own decision about it.
What if they were a billionaire? Would you still want to know? Or would you want to keep your plush, vacation filled, private jet having life? Something to really think about. What are your thoughts and opinions? Leave them here. I’ll answer them on the Ask Mario Show.
I want to help you start building a fresh brand new healthy relationship, or solidify and strengthen a seasoned one and watch that transformation in your life take place. These are a few ideas that you can implement right now to start building a healthy relationship.
The area of relationships is such a major factor in people’s lives that it can affect their standard of living. That’s why I’ve devoted entire chapters to addressing these issues in my book. To get an in-depth guide to navigating relationships, check out my book, The Truth: Keeping’ it 100: The Blueprint to Relationships.
I’m dedicated to helping you build those quality relationships. Its all in the book! And if you want to learn even more tips, tricks and strategies behind the way men think, then you’ve got to listen to this podcast!