Marrying for the wrong reasons…
Don’t make one of the biggest mistakes of your life based on things that aren’t solid. Marriage is supposed to be forever. And relationships have a lot of moving parts. In the long run, once you figure out it isn’t going to work, it’s going to cost a lot of money and time to dissolve that relationship.
Getting with someone based on the wrong reasons is like building the foundation of a house on sand instead of solid ground. When the storms come, and they will come, the house will fall and wither instead of stand tall and endure. I don’t want that for you.
QUESTION 10: WOULD YOU MARRY SOMEONE OR CONSIDER THEM FOR MARRIAGE WITHOUT LOVING THEM OR BEING IN LOVE WITH THEM IF THEY HAD ALL THE THINGS YOU WANTED?
(FOR INSTANCE: GOOD PROVIDER, GOOD CAREER, GOAL & FAMILY ORIENTED)
Some people have a longing desire to get married, and it sometimes results in them getting married for the wrong reasons, to the wrong person. Some of the reasons people do this I’ve heard are:
- I feel like I’m running out of time
- I’m tired of being alone
- I’m not getting any younger
- I want someone to share things with
- Everyone else has someone, why can’t I?
- I can grow to love the person
I understand how you feel and I’ve been on both sides of that fence. But when you do take the time and prepare yourself, and wait for the right one, or even seek out, search and find the right one, it has so much more merit and carries much more weight. Growing to love someone is possible, but it’s more genuine and less fabricated when you’re with someone because you took the time to vet them, learn them, and love them rather than just select someone for any other reason. A few justifications people used to validate their decisions included the following:
- They are a good provider
- They have a great career
- They are goal oriented and ambitious
- They are family oriented
These are good traits a potential candidate should possess, but I’ve seen so many relationships not work out because the person simply wasn’t the right person for them. There are so many other factors that go into being compatible with another human being, and even though these reasons may be compelling, these alone should not determine if a person is suitable for marriage.
I don’t think that people should ever marry for anything other than they genuinely want to spend the rest of their life with that person. Anything short of this and you are depriving yourself of one of the fundamental building blocks of maintaining a marriage. Here’s the consensus from some folks.
Definitely no! Unfair to the partner as well as yourself. Selfish and the beginning of misery. If and when you take away status and material things – ask yourself what is left? –J. W. 27
No, I would not settle for a man that could give me the world if i didn’t love him. I’d rather be in love with a man and we struggle together than to be in a relationship or marriage where I’m not in love because it won’t last. Resentment would set up and all kind of stuff. When I love I love hard to the depth of me and when it’s with the right one settling for the wrong one isn’t an option.-Sherice J. 29
H*ll no. Money and things are never going to make you happy in life in the long run. A deep connection will last forever and beyond. –Erika K. 32
But how would you know if they are a good provider unless you live with them for some time? That’s impossible to see that right off because people pretend well… And I think no one has to settle, it’s a choice… Jen R. 35
I actually know a few people who did do this, and although they are still married, they revealed to me that love developed over time, but I honestly don’t think they are experiencing the full extent of where true love could take them. They said they felt like they eventually wasted a lot of years on that person, when they could have been searching for not the perfect person, but the perfect person for them.
This brings back to my memory a song by Jazmine Sullivan titled “In Love with another man” from her album Fearless. Some of the lyrics say this: (and I’m paraphrasing) “Because he ain’t a doctor, and we always seem to fight, he ain’t got the perfect body, and sometimes he don’t even treat me right but when I’m with him, ain’t nobody else like it..He ain’t always right, but he’s just right for me.
And this is exactly what I mean about making sure a person is right for you.
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I get really deep into this particular issue in my book The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. The information in chapter 5 is so valuable its worth the price of the entire book alone. If you want to know what we’re thinking about it, that’s the chapter to read. To buy the book, click HERE. The eBook is only $4.99 and the paperback is $15.
We waste that much on a few coffees at Starbucks, or a few Mocha Frappe’s at McDonald’s. It’s so worth it to get this inside information. I didn’t spill all the beans in this article. I just hit the tip of the iceberg. Click below to check the book out in any one of these locations.
The book lays out a blueprint and guide in different areas you should inspect. Here is an overview of what the book discusses.
- The Introduction and Prelude to Relationships– lays out the groundwork and different types of people there are. If you can recognize what type you are, you’ll be able to make a better selection, and maybe work on areas you might not be so strong in.
- The Basics– basically about being a gentlemen, and if you’re a lady, having some class.
- Standards– set some realistic expectations before you start, and hold the person accountable to those standards, but don’t overdo it.
- The Good Man– probably the most insightful chapter. This reveals the truth about a good man, what to expect, and how to deal with him.
- The Strong Woman– self-assessing and looking in the mirror to make yourself a stronger woman.
- Baggage Claim– anything extra our past experiences have placed on us that might make us bitter, or make it hard for us to trust.
- Sex and Intimacy– self explanatory
- Confidence and Attitude– develop your swag. The opposite sex notices.
- The Round Table– social media and its effects on relationships, who you should confide in about your relationship, and other various topics that need to be addressed.
- Graduation– learning to conquer all your insecurities and moving forward to triumph in your relationship. Focusing on the things that matter most.
I want to help you start building a healthy relationship, and watch a transformation take place in your life.
Relationships affect everyone. If you have an argument or disagreement with a spouse or partner, it could cause you to have a bad day. And when you have a truly special moment, you could feel like you’re on cloud nine all day!
I’m dedicated to helping you build those quality relationships. Its all in the book! And if you want to learn even more tips, tricks and strategies behind the way men think, then you’ve got to listen to this podcast!
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