If you’re just joining the series, last week’s question from the series was: Why do you think men never want to talk? This is a continuation of the series of questions from the Relationship Resolution Series. You can go back and read any of the previous questions in the series, and participate with your own answers in the comments below! Welcome to week 12!
Today’s blog post of the series is going to examine a topic that is the cause of a lot of future pain, arguments, and bridges that have to be rebuilt. Infidelity is a major cause of catastrophic relationship issues. A lot of emphasis is placed on men and their inability at times to remain loyal to one person. A recent study revealed surprisingly (to me) that men and women cheat at the same rate. I thought women in my opinion were more loyal. But after conducting a little research and reading a bit about it, it was actually even across the board for men and women. But here’s this week’s question in the series.
QUESTION 12: WHAT IS THE BIGGEST REASON THAT WOMEN CHEAT?
You know it isn’t talked about much, because men aren’t that vocal about the things that hurt us. It’s how we were brought up and taught as young kids. We are supposed to be the “strong” ones. So we are taught from a young age to shield our emotions and don’t “show weakness.” I admit I do this with my boys also. When they hurt themselves, I immediately tell them to get up and stop crying. “You’re alright I say.” Sometimes I don’t even help them up, even though they may have a legitimate reason to cry. It hurts.
We do the same as grown men. So when women cheat, or do something that hurts our feelings, we shield them, and we keep up the “strong” front. Not for lack of trying, but men overlook the subtle things. We are wired to see the big picture, because we have to pull the cart. We are the horse that has to pull the cart with all that stuff in it. That stuff is our career, our wives, our children, and taking care of the family. That stuff includes providing financially, spiritually, emotionally, and so we don’t get the time off to console ourselves or reflect most times.
We start to overlook small things in our relationships that matter to women. This is not on purpose of course, but it happens. And it happens on a more regular basis than we realize. We end up neglecting our significant others, and over time, when a woman is not getting the attention, affection, or love that she wants, she will fill that void elsewhere. This is not always true, but usually women have “checked out” of the relationship and are just there in body, but not in mind and spirit.
For women, cheating is way more dangerous because women become emotionally vetted in another person. When a woman has reached that point, usually the connection is not just a physical connection. It usually involves her heart, and her mind, which have very deep roots. Once a man loses these connections and she has invested this with another person, it is a serious attachment and often results in the breakup, because once a woman has an emotional connection to another man, there is almost no turning back.
Women I’ve interviewed mentioned the following reasons as the top 3 reasons they decide to spend their time with someone other than their spouse/boyfriends.
- loss of romance
- lack of attention
- to get back at a guy for something
I also read an article on this same subject by Dr. Janne Lomansky on divorcedmoms.com titled 8 Reasons Women Cheat. Here are the top 8 reasons and a few solutions.
- lack of attention and intimacy
- bad sex
- weight loss/plastic surgery
- financial independence
- low self-esteem
A few solutions to the above mentioned issues are:
- Communication, assertiveness and increasing passion and romance in your relationship are a much better solution.
- communicate your needs to your man with the hopes that he will step it up a notch.
- reading one of the many self-help books out there on building your self-esteem, or get some counseling to help improve self-confidence. (I recommend The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships)
- Let your man know he may lose you if he continues to take you for granted.
- Boredom is something that can be resolved with a little, or sometimes a moderate amount of effort. It requires both of you introducing new ideas and behaviors, and some spontaneity.
To read the full article: 8 Reasons Women Cheat
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The following is an excerpt from chapter 5 of my book, The Good Man.
We all know that cheating happens sometimes in relationships, but I truly don’t think that it’s intentional looking at the big picture. No one begins a relationship and says, “I’m planning on cheating on this person.” Yes the act is intentional, but from the start there’s no disposition to cheat.
Both people genuinely think it’s going to be a good thing at the onset. If there is an incident in your relationship in which a man has cheated on you, there are two points I’d consider. The first is to run for the hills and never look back. The second is forgiveness. If you truly want to salvage your relationship, you have to allow yourself the opportunity to truly forgive. This means never bringing it up again in any conversation or argument. That’s a hard pill to swallow, but it’s the only way you can truly move forward. I understand that cheating can wreck whatever trust you had in your significant other, but don’t say that you forgive them and then revisit that same chapter. We know you’ll have trust issues after this. Most people try and work through it, but it’s a constant problem unless you truly absolve yourself of the frustration, hurt, and worry that it brings. It’s a personal decision.
I want to help you start building a healthy relationship, and watch a transformation take place in your life.
Relationships affect everyone. If you have an argument or disagreement with a spouse or partner, it could cause you to have a bad day. And when you have a truly special moment, you could feel like you’re on cloud nine all day!
I’m dedicated to helping you build those quality relationships. Its all in the book! And if you want to learn even more tips, tricks and strategies behind the way men think, then you’ve got to listen to this podcast!
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