Why do people stay in bad relationships?
I often see people when I’m out and about in the city in stores or the mall, or public places, just going on arguing like cats and dogs. When I see that, the first thing I think is that they’ve been dealing with each other probably for a long time, and have some major unresolved issues.
Bertha is tired of Old Cletus’ crap, and Old Cletus is tired of Old Bertha. They both just make each other sick. That’s not healthy for a relationship.
Now relationships today aren’t made of the same fabric those relationships in the 50’s through the 80’s were made of. People stuck it out. They actually did one of two things. They either talked about those hurtful situations and moved on from it, or they buried the hatchet and didn’t mention it or talk about it ever. Either way, they stayed together.
Here are some reasons people give why they just won’t leave the person.
- they have children
- it’s cheaper to keep her
- they have too many years invested
- they feel like they’re too old to even look for anyone else (getting back in the game by mena freedman for men over 40)
- they’ve invested too much money and sacrifice
- they don’t want to lose half of everything they’ve worked hard to build
- they don’t feel like learning a new person all over after years and years of being with one person
Lots of times, these reasons are enough to keep the person right where they are at. But here’s the other things going on behind the scenes. They are suffering silently. They are stressed out, they constantly get in arguments, the other person now disgusts them when they used to love each other. Both people become bitter and treat each other harshly.
I used to say back in the day before I had a wife and kids that my children wouldn’t be enough to keep me around if I was unhappy. I wouldn’t endure any type of crap from a woman just because I had children by her. I wouldn’t allow her to be a sorry excuse for a woman and stay there just because of my children. What a load of crap that was. As I’ve matured, all I think about are the statistics children face when families break up.
On the one hand, I don’t ever feel you should stay if it’s becoming detrimental to your health. And stress can make you sick and produce these types of short term effects. I mean if you hate waking up everyday because you have to see this person’s face it’s probably time to hit the road and I am the last person to discourage splitting up. In fact everything I write is based around doing things to prevent you from breaking up. Sometimes though, if I’m keeping it 100% here, there is just no other choice but to pack up and leave. It’s best for your children, your health, and the other person’s health overall.
Now indeed long committed relationships and marriages aren’t always easy. In fact they are the thing that takes up the most time over the course of someone’s life if they’ve chosen that. It’s one of the hardest things to work on and keep together. But having both parents in a household is something children need to get back to seeing. The statistics nowadays are downright staggering. This is the percentage of children in single parent households. This is just from 2014. I’m sure the numbers are even more shocking today.
(Data provided by National Kids Count: http://datacenter.kidscount.org/data/tables/107-children-in-single-parent-families-by#detailed/1/any/false/869/9,12,1/431)
But those children whose parents have endured those tests are much more likely to graduate from high school, go on to college or become successful, and become really good contributors to our society. The others? Much more prone to violence, crime, and a less than ideal life situation. They are less likely to graduate from a college, less likely even to get anywhere close to the median average American income. These are just a few major things to keep in mind about why people stay when they are ready to leave.
When you have children, it becomes about their greater good. At least for me. You start to be able to endure a lot more things and get a little more patience at the expense of their future. It has totally changed the way I view my marriage because now its about something and someone larger than my wife and I. And lots of people take this approach. Granted I’m not talking about physical abuse or verbal abuse. I’m simply talking about just growing apart. This is something I devote a whole chapter to in my new book. Growth. You might have heard in one of my previous blogs or podcasts that relationships are living, breathing organisms, and they change. They change because people change.
But I will say this. When you stay just for the kids, or any of those other reasons, when the kids leave, you will be looking at a total stranger laying next to you or sharing a house with you. You don’t want those years to fly by in misery. I highly encourage you to take my courses or read my books to prevent it. But if you absolutely dread life, because of another person you have to deal with, it is detrimental to your health to either get help with the problems, or move on if no resolutions can be reached.
You could literally die from being in a stressful situation like that. Kids are smart and as long as you keep it 100% real with them, it won’t be such a shock. What often happens is we lie to our children to protect their hearts, and what they think about us as parents. I’m forward with my sons about everything that goes on. I figure they only get older, and they will appreciate you telling them the truth. They can handle a lot more than you think.
What are some things that would make you stay in a bad relationship?
Please leave your answers in the comments section below.
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I get really deep into this particular issue in my book The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. The information in chapter 5 is so valuable its worth the price of the entire book alone. If you want to know what we’re thinking about it, that’s the chapter to read. To buy the book, click HERE. The eBook is only $4.99 and the paperback is $15.
We waste that much on a few coffees at Starbucks, or a few Mocha Frappe’s at McDonald’s. It’s so worth it to get this inside information. I didn’t spill all the beans in this article. I just hit the tip of the iceberg. Click below to check the book out in any one of these locations.
The book lays out a blueprint and guide in different areas you should inspect. Here is an overview of what the book discusses.
- The Introduction and Prelude to Relationships– lays out the groundwork and different types of people there are. If you can recognize what type you are, you’ll be able to make a better selection, and maybe work on areas you might not be so strong in.
- The Basics– basically about being a gentlemen, and if you’re a lady, having some class.
- Standards– set some realistic expectations before you start, and hold the person accountable to those standards, but don’t overdo it.
- The Good Man– probably the most insightful chapter. This reveals the truth about a good man, what to expect, and how to deal with him.
- The Strong Woman– self-assessing and looking in the mirror to make yourself a stronger woman.
- Baggage Claim– anything extra our past experiences have placed on us that might make us bitter, or make it hard for us to trust.
- Sex and Intimacy– self explanatory
- Confidence and Attitude– develop your swag. The opposite sex notices.
- The Round Table– social media and its effects on relationships, who you should confide in about your relationship, and other various topics that need to be addressed.
- Graduation– learning to conquer all your insecurities and moving forward to triumph in your relationship. Focusing on the things that matter most.
I want to help you start building a healthy relationship, and watch a transformation take place in your life.
Relationships affect everyone. If you have an argument or disagreement with a spouse or partner, it could cause you to have a bad day. And when you have a truly special moment, you could feel like you’re on cloud nine all day!
I’m dedicated to helping you build those quality relationships. Its all in the book! And if you want to learn even more tips, tricks and strategies behind the way men think, then you’ve got to listen to this podcast!
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