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THE CHANGING FACE & MINDSET OF THE MODERN ELIGIBLE BACHELOR
I was listening to the Dave Ramsey show, or it might have been the Entreleadership Podcast, anyway he mentioned something that is all too familiar with today’s generation of men. I’m not into bashing men, I happen to think very highly of men, and the place they should have in a relationship, and in society. In fact I believe they should be our strongest leaders. They should be leaders at work, in their families, with their children, in our churches, and in their marriages.
The problem is with the mentality today. And the premise behind 26 is the new 18 is that men these days aren’t leaving home until around 26 years of age. They are being pacified, and as a result, many of them are behind the curve as far as being a good candidate for a relationship goes. 26. That’s ridiculous.
Back in my day, and I’m not that old (it shows how far this has gone in a relatively short period of time), it was drilled in my head from early on that the way you make it is to work hard, take care of yourself, and that I would be leaving the house at 18 after I graduated high school no matter what. That was the standard. That was the expectation. As I teach my sons, I always show them things once, maybe twice, and then let them fend for themselves so they learn at an early age about responsibility and integrity.
I also remind them that one day soon, they are going to have to leave the nest, and I’ll provide them the tools to thrive once they do leave the nest. But inevitably, they have to go. And they know this even at the tender ages of 4 and 7. I speak to them about life and things as a person and not as babies. But the response I get back is totally shocking. They are much smarter than I give them credit and actually ask questions about all these different things that we discuss. So I’m realizing that seeds must be planted early and often, if we are to reap a good harvest years later.
That is all but disappearing in today’s modern man. This is one of the major problems women have when they are courting this 25 or 26 year old that should be a man, but is still staying at home with his parents, or isn’t mature enough to handle a real woman. i understand life happens, and other things are out of our control. I’m talking about the concrete principles that men should be taught, and how we are falling short of the mark.
We are pacifying today’s generation of men, and therefore producing less qualified potential candidates for today’s women. Today, single parent households are at an amazingly high rate. The fathers aren’t there for their families. This is not everyone, but the percentages are staggering. The amount of single parent households has been climbing in the last few years, and its because 26 is the new 18. Furthermore, these men are being taught by only their mothers, with the fathers not being present. This also has something to do with the mentality. A woman can do only so much when it comes to raising a man.
I joined the U.S. Navy at 17, and my mother and I always used to talk about things going on with my younger brothers, and each time, I told her to give some tough love. They were teenagers at the time, and I told her pacifying them would only cripple them as time went on. If they aren’t working or going to school and they are out of high school, kick them out (generally speaking).
A mother is hard to do this to her children though. They’re her babies. This is a toxic mentality. I know there is no love like a mother’s love but in some instances, it is a killer to progress. Especially dealing with young men. They need boundaries established that force them to accept more responsibility. If a man knows he can always come back to lay his head somewhere, how hard do you think he’ll work to keep his own things?
You don’t want to create this mentality: “Well, if this doesn’t work out, I can always go back and stay with mom.” This is what my mom did for years. I’ve seen many other mothers do it as well. Sometimes its a necessary step.
Men already mature at a far slower rate than women do, and this only multiplies that statistic. One thing one might suggest is for mothers who have children but aren’t with the fathers, reach out consistently to the fathers to at least give them a chance to be that role model in their child’s life. Here’s another suggestion: get into a good church, and get your child into going on a regular basis so it can solidify the expectations of not only a real man, but a spiritual man as well. It’s only going to produce well equipped men.
Because of this phenomenon, by the time men get to courting and dating, they have no idea how to be a good friend, husband, or father. This is why women steadily complain about dating. I always hear about how the pool of eligible bachelors isn’t sufficient for successful, motivated women looking to find someone who is up to the bar.
It is known that you reap the harvest after you’ve sewn in the field. Let’s put that same concept to parents and their young men. Earlier I said for single women to try and establish some type of relationship with the fathers. What I have observed is a lot of men who have damaged a woman created a broken relationship. Maybe he cheated and lied to her, and that was a result. And from those broken relationships, children were born into these situations. Since the relationship between the mother and father was damaged, the children suffered. back to sewing and reaping, immediately this might not be seen. But over time, during all those years of bitterness and bickering and arguing between the mother and father, the children, specifically the young men are not receiving the training they need to be viable candidates for relationships in general let alone marriage.
Women will take their frustrations and anger out on the man, thinking they will hurt him, but really end up hurting the child. Years later when the young man is older, what has been reaped? He will see how the relationship between his mother and father was (if any), and model that same behavior and we have to break the cycle.
On the other hand, maybe a man did step up to the plate and the woman had issues from her youth. It could be a number of things. She might be bitter, or have learned how to have an attitude from their mothers. The relationship between a young woman and her mother is absolutely critical in the way they deal with men. Men don’t stick around when they bring baggage like that into the relationship.
As you can see there are a lot of different factors that goes into men still lacking as they come of age. But until we actually make some of these changes, it isn’t likely to get better any time soon, but we can help make the changes I’ve described earlier. I’ll recap in a summary of bullet points we can use to implement solutions.
- plant positive seeds early and often
- reach out to the fathers on a consistent basis and allow the child and father to have a good relationship
- teach responsibility and integrity at an early age
- men, reach out to the children’s mother and get the courts involved if the mother isn’t allowing you your parental rights by law (be involved in your children’s life no matter the cost)
- get the young men into a good church from a young age
- set expectations on when they will have to leave the nest from early on
- don’t take frustrations out on a man or constantly bicker and argue if it will impede the progress of his relationship with the child
A lot of men I talked to about the mother of their children stated it was easier to leave the situation alone with the mother (because she caused such a hassle), than to try and reach out to her to see their child. They figured they’d wait until the child was older when they could make their own decisions. But that’s too late. As a man, we have to have a backbone and go into those type of stressful situations with the child in mind.
There’s no easy solution, just suggestions to ease this relational epidemic going on in our country currently. We need to create, train and raise men, not whatever else is going on these days. We need more men, not more wimps. That’s right. I said it. Wimps. Kudos and great admiration for those of you who are involved and doing your best to raise them llike we used to do in the old days.
I’ve come up with a quick download for you. It is for all parents with young sons, or sons who haven’t left the house yet. It is for single mothers, parents with children going off to college, and for men who are raising sons as well. Just a small piece of a big puzzle we need to start building our families again, and creating great men to lead us into the future.
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I get really deep into this particular issue in my book The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. The information in chapter 5 is so valuable its worth the price of the entire book alone. If you want to know what we’re thinking about it, that’s the chapter to read. To buy the book, click HERE. The eBook is only $4.99 and the paperback is $15.
We waste that much on a few coffees at Starbucks, or a few Mocha Frappe’s at McDonald’s. It’s so worth it to get this inside information. I didn’t spill all the beans in this article. I just hit the tip of the iceberg. What are you waiting for? Check the book out today!
The book lays out a blueprint and guide in different areas you should inspect. Here is an overview of what the book discusses.
- The Introduction and Prelude to Relationships– lays out the groundwork and different types of people there are. If you can recognize what type you are, you’ll be able to make a better selection, and maybe work on areas you might not be so strong in.
- The Basics– basically about being a gentlemen, and if you’re a lady, having some class.
- Standards– set some realistic expectations before you start, and hold the person accountable to those standards, but don’t overdo it.
- The Good Man– probably the most insightful chapter. This reveals the truth about a good man, what to expect, and how to deal with him.
- The Strong Woman– self-assessing and looking in the mirror to make yourself a stronger woman.
- Baggage Claim– anything extra our past experiences have placed on us that might make us bitter, or make it hard for us to trust.
- Sex and Intimacy– self explanatory
- Confidence and Attitude– develop your swag. The opposite sex notices.
- The Round Table– social media and its effects on relationships, who you should confide in about your relationship, and other various topics that need to be addressed.
- Graduation– learning to conquer all your insecurities and moving forward to triumph in your relationship. Focusing on the things that matter most.
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