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Are Men Afraid of Marriage?
Men and Marriage…We’re not Afraid. We’re Cautious…
I always hear women complain about the current state of dating. They complain about the current availability of men. But the other side of that coin is just the same. To paint a bit of a picture of the current mindset of the ladies dating out there, I look at a recent post in one of the relationship Facebook groups I’m in. The question was which type of woman would men marry: one who didn’t work but cooked and cleaned daily, but didn’t work, or one that had a high income, but never cooked or cleaned. Needless to say this was a conversation and discussion that eventually had lots of differences in opinions and viewpoints.
First of all, the majority of women won’t look like these two in the picture, that’s just a fact. Some men claimed they would take either one because it would be a win-win situation for them in any case. We definitely are attracted to physical appearance first, then the rest comes after. I’m sure that had a big impact on their decisions.
Which one do you think most men picked?
It was overwhelmingly the first choice. Most men felt they could help her find work, and they placed value on those other things. Lots of women’s immediate response was about women being slaves. I went through the comments (and there were hundreds) and there wasn’t one man who referred to women as slaves, or that it was their “place” to do this. The men that responded all agreed they could work with her in that situation, and they would help get her some income.
The Current Mindset Conundrum with Women
Women in most of the responses were lashing out that men felt their place was in the kitchen, and made references like “taking us back to slavery.” This is the common mindset conundrum. Most of the women who had this particular viewpoint were single. At least from what I researched and read it seemed to be closely correlated. Most of the women who responded in favor of the opinions of most of the men were either married, or engaged to be married with very few exceptions.
This also seems to be tied to the current mindset and economic status of women who are higher earners than women of the past. They are more independent and therefore some role reversal has taken place. Since this article is about men and marriage, I won’t get into the lack of standards of eligible male bachelors or their mindset. I have a whole other article on that. But men definitely are a bit irritated with the current dating scene as well.
A large majority of women these days, I’ll stretch a little bit and say 30 and under don’t have the mindset that older women who were raised in my day have. Today is a microwave culture. Every thing is faster, every thing has to happen now. Women these days are mostly concerned with stability, and what they can get out of a potential mate instead of what they can give. And they will give up quickly if men don’t meet their “needs.” I mentioned in another article How to Raise your Relationship Return on Investment about 3 things that pertain to men and marriage. I’ll list them briefly here.
- Do your very best in your relationship to give as much as you receive
- Cater to your man.
- Tell them randomly you appreciate them.
This doesn’t happen these days. I’ll go into each of these 3 with a little more detail. These 3 are major reasons men aren’t signing on that dotted line anymore.
3 Reasons Men aren’t signing on that dotted line anymore…
1. Do your very best in your relationship to give as much as you receive. People no longer give their very best. They give the bare minimum to keep a partner. They don’t go above and beyond like they used to, except at the beginning, when they are trying to convince the person they are a “good catch.” I mentioned in several posts to finish the way you begin. It’s #1 of my 11 Core Concepts. Man! I’m dropping some jewels and gems today! Ya’ll get your notepads out and take notes if you’re trying to get that guy to lock you down.
I’ve also talked a lot about inconsistency over time. As a matter of fact, in another article, What is the biggest reason men cheat, I mentioned the formula for cheating. It’s neglect and a little bit of complacency (inconsistency) over time. Boom! I just dropped the secret formula for ya’ll. Don’t be inconsistent, and don’t neglect what your man needs. By the way you should definitely read that article I mentioned above. It’s some more jewels in that one too.
You shouldn’t have your hand out first. You should be asking what you can give first. It will be reciprocated. Just like women want a good man, we want good women too. We will go all out for the right woman, and for a woman who reciprocates. Who does that anymore today? Old school women. That’s who.
2.Cater to your man. This one is self-explanatory. Now all this I’m saying of course this is with a man that is doing for you and not taking advantage. That’s my disclaimer. Now, in my book I talk about this. Although your man won’t make you feel like you’re in competition, you are in competition make no mistake.
The less you do, the easier it will be to find your replacement. Men have revealed in interviews they don’t want to look at it that way, but if they are going all out or going hard for their woman, and she is only doing the bare minimum but expecting the maximum, they will soon be looking for her replacement.
3.Tell them randomly you appreciate them. Most conversations or “we need to talk” sessions aren’t filled with compliments and positivity. I’m just the messenger here. I’ve interviewed dozens if not hundreds of men who said they feel under appreciated. Sometimes its just that kind word or compliment. We need it too. What do we get most times instead of appreciation? Arguments, complaining, and women snapping off. Instead of talking to their men, they talk “at” their men.
It’s lots of times what we don’t do. I’ll drop another gem. I mentioned before praise your man more. Make him feel like a king instead of complaining, nagging, or telling him where he falls short. See doesn’t that empower you. In the book I specifically mention this phrase. “Encouraging your man is empowering you.” Try it and see doesn’t it create a change.
I’ll mention one more thing before I get into the question. Women marry men hoping they will change, and they don’t. Men marry women hoping they won’t change, and they do. Stay the same person we fell in love with. Don’t change those things that originally attracted him to you.
QUESTION 14: Do you think most men are afraid or avoid marriage? And why?
There is a misconception that men are afraid of marriage and that simply isn’t true. Actually getting married is a sign of maturity, and something that men aspire to do. Here is the truth about the matter. Men aren’t afraid to invest time, money, resources, affection, love, finances, and other things to one woman. They are terribly afraid of investing it with the wrong woman. And afterwards what they will have to show for their huge mistake is losing half of everything that they’ve built up to that point.
That is what men are afraid of. Not marriage in and of itself. And it’s often not materialistic, it’s about our livelihood. When a man finds a woman that he can invest his livelihood in, that’s something powerful not to be trifled with. There’s a lot at stake there. It just takes a man longer to make this decision because men feel they need to be sure before they become fully vested in something that deep. At least that’s what it was for me. I do now realize though after several years with my wife that women get to that point a whole lot faster than men. Men have to “test the waters” plenty before they come to this decision often. And sure along the way they will break a few hearts. That’s just the way it is most times.
There is a lot to give up when a man thinks about marriage. He does think about what he will be giving up initially if he does commit to marriage, and whether the cost opportunity is worth it. If you don’t bring value, it’s going to take a long time for him to make a commitment. And the way the culture is today, everything moves at a very fast pace. If a person isn’t showing what someone wants to see, instead of taking time out to learn them, they just call it quits and move on. And that happens repeatedly until a man gets tired of moving on so many times, or he finds a woman who brings that value to his life.
If you’d like to leave your answers to these questions, please leave a comment below! I’d absolutely love to hear from you. I’d love to hear your thoughts and outlooks on these topics.
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I get really deep into this particular issue in my book The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. The information in chapter 5 is so valuable its worth the price of the entire book alone.
The book lays out a blueprint and guide in different areas you should inspect.
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If you want to check out a few other articles I’ve written, check out 3 of my most popular articles:
- Friends with Benefits: 10 Reasons guys go for it and 9 Ways you can avoid it! Click here to read!
- What Men Desire from their Ideal Woman: Click here to read!
- Can I trust you? The Million-Dollar Question Click here to read.
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