BUSTING THE MYTH: IS THIS SAYING TRUE?
Today this post is going to be about the phrase, “Happy wife, happy life.” While this has become the common phrase among lots of women in marriages, the truth behind this statement is that if the only focus of a happy relationship or marriage is to make the wife happy, it’s not going to be a happy relationship.
A relationship is not one-sided. It is between two people and those two people need to come together to do something that seems very hard to do these days which is compromise. Therefore if a person does not compromise, one of the people in the relationship is going to suffer for it. Usually at the heart if this statement is going to be a man who is dissatisfied within his relationship. This often may lead to infidelity, a breakup, or several other issues. Lots of times the pain points of men are not understood, nor revealed. The point of my writing is to prevent those things from happening.
Here is the solution. Instead of saying happy wife, happy life and practicing this incorrect notion, we should look at the equality in a relationship. And this isn’t a play on words. Some people take this to heart as practical application in their marriage or relationship.
Both parties should work to create a compromise that will make the relationship more cohesive. when you only focus on one person’s happiness as if to say that if this one person isn’t happy then the entire relationship will not be a happy relationship, that would suggest that only one person’s feelings are being considered. That would suggest only one person’s point of view is being considered. That wold also suggest that every time there is a disagreement, one person will always concede to the other and we all know that is not the case.
There are some things a healthy relationship should embody. One of those things is knowing when to let your man be a man. Allow him to be comfortable in his own skin. For instance, every one needs some personal time and space. Even when people are married, it is important to get that time away from your spouse sometimes. It gives you a chance to miss them again. That’s an entirely different post though. When you prohibit someone from this very important factor, there is going to be some negative consequences and probably not very positive overall results for the status of your relationship.
If every time your partner decides to go somewhere by himself, or with his friends or out to a place without you, and you make it an issue and then reply “happy wife, happy life,” eventually over time this will break down into a negative situation. As a good man in a relationship, he will know a proper balance, and if he doesn’t, then the two of you can have a discussion about it.
I don’t have a man cave in my home, so there is not necessarily a place of solace I can visit when I might need to just think without any distractions, pray, have some alone time, or just retreat from the recurrent monotonous day-to-day tone we often face. This is usually why I go out. But something weird happens when I usually go out by myself or with my buddies. I find myself calling my wife to check on her and let her know how the night is going without her even sending me a text or calling to ask me if I’m alright. And I actually try to keep track of the time so I don’t necessarily come in the house too late. As an adult obviously I can choose to stay out longer. But after I’ve had my fun, I realize I’m married and have a wife at home waiting for me, and I usually just want to go home. Funny how that works out. I do realize some men can take this overboard, but the majority of married guys don’t abuse this particular time away.
In a healthy relationship, small things like this should not be an issue, granted he’s not spending more time out than he is at home. Over time as these things build up, then a man starts to become dissatisfied, and disgruntled as a result if the conversation is always only about the woman’s happiness. It may consequently lead to a divorce or breakup. Again the solution is to consider both people’s point of view in the relationship and not just one person in the relationship. A relationship is not one-sided. And often times when it is, when only one person is happy, there is some dysfunction there.
A husband or a male partner does have some role to play in producing romance, and in producing some type of extra care to let a woman know that he means to make her happy. That is a given and most men truly try to do things for their women that make them happy. There may be some thing prohibiting this at times such as finances or maybe other circumstances, but if he can’t wine and dine you all the time, or buy you diamonds every birthday or anniversary, or romance you at times, does this mean that he’s not trying to make you happy? Of course not. Does this mean that if he can’t do these things your life won’t be happy? Only shallow women who are focused on materialistic means rather than the love, comfort and support he provides will make that type of deduction.
But to say that the sole purpose of either a relationship and definitely a marriage is to make her happy without considering his own happiness, that is to be selfish and by definition, is not what produces a healthy relationship. That is a guaranteed way to ensure that down the line, a trip to the court-house is awaiting you. And no one gets into relationships to hurt a person or to not be happy right?
I highly discourage the use of the term happy wife happy life because there are already several things a man will concede in his marriage, which I can tell you from personal experience. However, I can also tell you from personal experience that when a man does not get this much-needed time, if it’s always a problem, if there’s always no peace and it always has to be her way, there will be some significant problems. I personally have to have some private time without the kids, without the wife sometimes just to think to myself. I write and produce music so when I’m in that mode, I don’t want to be bothered. I write books and blogs so when I’m in that mode focused, I need that time and any people with children or married know that it’s very hard to get some quiet time with the hustle and bustle of that kind of life. I need a place to release.
And if I wanted to go out with my buddies for that release, and a woman would reply it should be my way, or what I want, there would be a serious issue there. Even currently with my wife, I spend a very significant amount of time with her. My wife told me she wants me all to herself, which is certainly flattering and reassuring of our relationship. But sometimes you have to share just a little time. I have to get away sometimes even if just to contemplate thoughts on my next business move, write a song, or a book. And I vehemently oppose any who would deny me that opportunity to create, and then say something like “happy wife, happy life.” This is generally speaking of course.
If you’ve said this phrase before, or you’re still saying it, why don’t you take time out to really ask about what your partner wants. It isn’t just about you.
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Thanks for reading to the end. If you liked this blog post, please check out others of mine you might like. And I would love to hear your feedback on these topics. Leave your comments below! Here are some of my other top blog posts you might find interesting.
- 7 Reasons a Person Won’t Leave a Bad Relationship
- 3 Reasons You’re Still Single and 7 Reasons Why Guys May Not Approach You
- The Changing Face and Mindset of the Modern Eligible Bachelor: 26 is the new 18
- How to Overcome Past Hurts and Start Fresh
I get really deep into this particular issue in my book The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. The information in chapter 5 is so valuable its worth the price of the entire book alone. If you want to know what we’re thinking about it, that’s the chapter to read. To buy the book, click HERE. The eBook is only $4.99 and the paperback is $15.
The book lays out a blueprint and guide in different areas you should inspect. Here is an overview of what the book discusses.
- The Introduction and Prelude to Relationships– lays out the groundwork and different types of people there are. If you can recognize what type you are, you’ll be able to make a better selection, and maybe work on areas you might not be so strong in.
- The Basics– basically about being a gentlemen, and if you’re a lady, having some class.
- Standards– set some realistic expectations before you start, and hold the person accountable to those standards, but don’t overdo it.
- The Good Man– probably the most insightful chapter. This reveals the truth about a good man, what to expect, and how to deal with him.
- The Strong Woman– self-assessing and looking in the mirror to make yourself a stronger woman.
- Baggage Claim– anything extra our past experiences have placed on us that might make us bitter, or make it hard for us to trust.
- Sex and Intimacy– self explanatory
- Confidence and Attitude– develop your swag. The opposite sex notices.
- The Round Table– social media and its effects on relationships, who you should confide in about your relationship, and other various topics that need to be addressed.
- Graduation– learning to conquer all your insecurities and moving forward to triumph in your relationship. Focusing on the things that matter most.
I want to help you start building a healthy relationship, and watch a transformation take place in your life.
Relationships affect everyone. If you have an argument or disagreement with a spouse or partner, it could cause you to have a bad day. And when you have a truly special moment, you could feel like you’re on cloud nine all day!
I’m dedicated to helping you build those quality relationships. Its all in the book! And if you want to learn even more tips, tricks and strategies behind the way men think, then you’ve got to listen to this podcast!
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