Reminiscing on the Past: Learning How to Let Go
Remember how things used to be? Remember when things were great?
I just want to get back to that moment…Holding on to the idea
Here is an excerpt from my book on page 65 that talks about “holding on to the idea.”
“One brief thing we all are guilty of is what I call “holding on to the idea.” We all think about when times were good, and we want to get that moment back. So our minds constantly travel back to that moment. And then we think, “Do you remember those times? I just want to get back to that.” They’re probably gone, though. This may force you to constantly rethink your choice to leave a person or a particular situation even though it may be the best thing for you at this point, and you know it’s what you need to do. You will question yourself and ask if you should give the relationship “one more chance.” Don’t do that with this man, unless you truly think you have a real shot at being with him, and he has let you know this through conversation. But make sure he has said exactly that. If he’s hinted around it, you need a direct answer. Other than that, don’t waste any more time.” – from The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships
You’ll hear a lot of women complain about today’s current dating scene, or that they’ve been hurt so many times, they just can’t trust anyone or just don’t want to take a chance on another guy because all guys are dogs; all guys are liars.
That simply is a misguided way of thinking. Before we can change our situation, we must change our way of thinking. At times we limit our own possibilities simply by the thoughts we process. We limit ourselves before we are even given the chance to win. You are what you think.
In lots of cases the women stay too long when they should have left the relationship a long time ago. What they do is hold on to the idea of when things were good. Everyone knows that in the beginning of a relationship, things start off great. You’re infatuated with the newness of a relationship, and sometimes when things get sour or we don’t upkeep our relationship with regular normal maintenance (such as having a QRA or normal discussions about the things that are bothering us), things tend to fall apart.
You might stay instead of leaving the person or breaking off the relationship, and you should realize that everyone is not necessarily in your life to be in a long committed relationship with you. Sometimes it was just to teach you something so you are better prepared for the person that is yours; the person that might be right for you. We need to make sure we learn from our mistakes, and when its time to close a chapter, we’ll need to learn how to close the chapter instead of holding on to something that once was. There are 2 scenarios and 2 ways you can go with this.
The first is if you can discuss things and get back on the right track in the relationship so you can proceed at a reasonable level of comfortability, then you can see progress and see things getting better. Thats one scenario. And I would encourage you to do that if you can mend that broken connection.
However the latter is that there is no change but you still try to see the good in him or her and you know they have the potential to be the person you want, but they’re just not quite hitting the mark. They’re consistently below the bar of your expectations, and in that case you should never hold on to the idea. You should recognize when enough is enough. In the beginning, you shouldn’t try to change a person, and you should accept them as they are. If the way they are isn’t something that you want or know you wont be able to deal with and want to change, then its time to close that chapter.
9 Tips to help you recognize when it’s time to move on
Here are a few tips to keep in mind when you want to “hold on to the idea.”
- Don’t ignore the truth of the situation
- Remembering when times were good is not indicative of where things are
- Don’t over look current problems
- Hoping you can get back that initial moment clouds your vision
- Ignoring violations or red flags
- sometimes infatuation is confused with love
- learn from your mistakes and don’t repeat the same behaviors
- don’t ever try to change the person
- don’t create an “idea” of a person in your mind, accept what you see
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