Who’s role is it?

Who’s responsible for what these days?

What is a man’s responsibility? What’s the woman’s?

There’s one thing about the shared responsibilities in a relationship. Since the landscape has changed, I’ll say this. Women who stay at home with the kids and don’t work have a drastically different role to play than if they did, and that’s what this article will discuss.

Women in this situation who stay at home and take care of the home do a lot, and there should be help, but since they don’t work, there are some essential responsibilities. A man should cut the grass, and take out the trash, that’s their duty and responsibility and their role as a man. Hers as a woman since she doesn’t work is to take care of the house, take care of the kids, wash the dishes, clean the clothes, clean the house. Their partner should assist in that sometimes, but it would be totally different if she went to work on a regular basis.

If she did go to work on a regular basis, then I would as I do now, help out more. For instance, if she got off work after I did, I would make sure that the house was clean, or that the kids homework was done or that the dishes were washed or dinner was cooked. These are fundamental things and differences between the role a man and a woman play in a relationship.

Depending on the circumstance, if a woman works a man should help her beyond the duties of just cutting the yard or taking out the trash or cleaning out the cars if it’s within his power. It should be added that he should share some of those responsibilities in the household such as helping her out washing the dishes. Lets say if you don’t cook and you’re not going to cook, then you can at least lend a hand by making sure the kitchen is clean. something like this I understand. But, again people have to know what their roles are within the relationship, and therein lies the problem these days.


What does playing your role look like these days?

People are really confused about what that looks like. I know several men who wont lift a finger to do anything like that to wash or help clean or cook if they work a full-time job and are the breadwinner. We get spoiled when we have a woman who does those things. Here is the breakdown. If she doesn’t work and you’re the only breadwinner, then yes that should be primarily a woman’s duties. I am a personal witness that these things can get very tiring and difficult and she might need a break or some help every now and then. A man should do that for his woman.

A few good ideas are…

  • give her a one week “leisure pass” where you watch the kids, do the laundry, clean the dishes, cook the meals, and give her a week off
  • send her to the spa for a whole day of pampering
  • arrange for a car to pick her up and take her around to run some personal errands for herself the whole day

Going against the grain

I just remember writing something about women feeling like if they cook and clean, they feel like its putting them back in the “slavery” days. It’s some ridiculous notion that some women had about their place in the home. Oh yeah, I remember now. It was from my article 3 Reasons Men Aren’t Signing up for Marriage these Days. It’s a good article with a ton of information. I’ll steal a little from that article since it applies here. Most men when asked if they preferred a woman who worked but didn’t cook or clean, or a woman who cooked and cleaned but didn’t work chose A of these two scenarios below.


The Current Mindset Shift for Women

Today’s woman is fierce, strong, and often earn much higher salaries than she did in previous generations. This has produced a type of mindset shift. If women make the most, they call the shots. This has moved us from a fundamental shift in the way relationships, families, and the roles men and women play into a completely different era of role playing. I’ve heard on many occasions women teaching other women never to depend on a man. In that context it was in regards to men leaving the home or the relationships not working out with the father of their children.

The whole landscape these days places an emphasis on women “not needing” men, or being able to take care of themselves and not needing men to do anything for them. This is a grave mistake. We are removing the role a man plays from the equation. Men feel less appreciated when they aren’t respected as a man. You wan’t a man to step up? Play your role and let him play his.

In that previous article the question above was asked, and women in most of the responses were lashing out that men felt their place was in the kitchen, and made references like “taking us back to slavery.” This is the common mindset conundrum. Most of the women who had this particular viewpoint were single. At least from what I researched and read it seemed to be closely correlated. Most of the women who responded in favor of the opinions of most of the men were either married, or engaged to be married with very few exceptions.


This also seems to be tied to the current mindset and economic status of women who are higher earners than women of the past. They are more independent and therefore some role reversal has taken place. Since this article is about the roles we play, this current economic landscape really takes the man out of the equation. This is why in another article I wrote, 3 Reasons You’re Single and 7 Reasons Guys won’t Approach you, women are in between a rock and a hard place. Especially high earners. Many forget to respect the roles each person plays in the relationship.

A large majority of women these days, I’ll stretch a little bit and say 30 and under don’t have the mindset that older women who were raised in my day have. Today is a microwave culture. Every thing is faster, every thing has to happen now. Women these days are mostly concerned with stability, and what they can get out of a  potential mate instead of what they can give. And they will give up quickly if men don’t meet their “needs.”

The Verdict

Again, if she is letting the dishes pile up or the clothes pile up or something like that and she doesn’t work, then that clearly indicates that she might be lazy. You can be tired sometimes but if that is a recurring situation all the time, there is a problem there. You then need to look at what you’re doing.

When a woman works, we share more of the responsibilities, if she doesn’t and you’re the only breadwinner, she should have of course a more prominent role inside the home. Not that she should do everything and she’s only made to bear children, I don’t condone that way of thinking, but there are important roles to be played and if she doesn’t work, she should play that role to the best of her ability. There are no excuses.

Men and women should play their roles. If there is a role reversal, then the same applies. I acknowledge that these days, several women are out earning their partners, and in some cases are the only breadwinner. In this case a full role reversal is necessary, except for the fact a man should still be the “head” of the house and treated as  the leader in the relationship. One thing to note is that if a woman or man works, that does not absolve them of their duties in the role they play. That is one area where we often drop the ball in relationships. Relationships can be tough at times, and we have to have perseverance and determination to push through. 

So who’s role is it? Each relationship and situation is different. But no matter who is the breadwinner, a woman should never remove the role a man plays from her life. Isn’t it hard these days to do everything by yourself? I can tell you it is. Having someone to come in and help you and compliment you in what you have going on is going to be a huge relief. We have to get back to letting women be women, and men being men. You can still be a leader and be “submissive” to your husband. As you should. More on this later. I’m sure there are going to be several comments in the future on this one. I’m looking forward to it.



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Thanks for reading to the end. If you liked this blog post, please check out others of mine you might like. And I would love to hear your feedback on these topics. Leave your comments below! Here are some of my other top blog posts you might find interesting.

  • 7 Reasons a Person Won’t Leave a Bad Relationship
  • 3 Reasons You’re Still Single and 7 Reasons Why Guys May Not Approach You
  • The Changing Face and Mindset of the Modern Eligible Bachelor: 26 is the new 18
  • How to Overcome Past Hurts and Start Fresh

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