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Relationship Building: Core Concept #1
Finish the way you Begin
If you’ll remember, I wrote an article on my 11 core concepts to relationship building. I’m going to break down those concepts, and take a little bit of time to focus on each of them individually. The first core concept is to finish the way you begin.
The premise behind this first concept is that I’m about relationship preventive maintenance. I’m all about what can we do now to prevent problems that lead to breakups or divorce. That’s how I look at everything I write, and all the courses I create. Thats how I categorize it. What can we do or what kind of concepts can we lay down to prevent something from happening in the future? I’ve come up with 11 concepts and the first is to finish the way you begin. This is the core concept we wil delve into in this article.
First impressions are everything. It can determine if you’re going to be a short term or long term endeavour for the other person. When we meet, we often want to put off the best first impression that we can so as to impress the person. If course when we are trying to date and court them, we go all out, and we go above and beyond to impress. Here is what I would recommend. I would not necessarily recommend against that, but I do recommend against that if it’s not something that you normally do because this first core concept is all about consistency, and being who you really are.
To go in depth about specific details about first impressions, how to get the treatment you want, how to say exactly what you want without coming on too strong and boudaries you shoud set, check out the following articles.
- How to say what you want without coming on too strong
- First dates: How to get the treatment and respect you want
- The 3 stages of getting to know someone
It’s about continuing to push to do these things. One of the things that will break up a relationship is inconsistency over time. Over time people get complacent and people get lazy. People get happy and people get comfortable and because they get all those things, they forget about the small things they used to do at the onset of the relationship.
If they started giving back rubs, or if you used to buy her flowers all of the time, or you guys used to go take trips all the time, or if you used to give oral sex all the time, you have to continue to give that. At times it can be kind of daunting to be consistent in a relationship because the monotony of routine. But that’s the fun thing about it. Those things you begin with are what you want to continue. Don’t ever lose sight of what you did in the beginning to land that person. They will expect it and it may cause problems if you decide you’re tired of the facade and you don’t feel like doing those things anymore.
If you be yourself at the onset, you won’t have to break down the real you to your partner. Don’t just stop doing those things you did to hook the person because over time eventually, they’re going to see that and the phrase is going to be “Well, you don’t do the things you used to do” or “I don’t feel the way I used to feel,” and this is why. We have to be consistent in that. Basically your first impression is important, and it’s even much more important to maintain whatever you presented the first day you met them.
3 Key Areas to Consistently Improve
Then there are 3 areas where you do want to change and those areas are personal growth and development, learning, and you want to change in maturity. Those are the 3 key areas that you need to work on constantly improving.
- Personal Growth and Development– you should always be working to improve your personal knowledge. Over time people and things change. We should be constantly be narrowing our focus so we can become better people over time.
- Learning– we should never be content staying in the same spot. The word is always changing, and people always change. We should aim to keep up with this change by increasing our knowledge at every turn.
- Maturity– this often comes with time. Our outlook on life is totally different from 20 to say 35. Our focus changes, our views change, and we often let go of those trivial things that once held us back. We should always be learning from our mistakes, and improving upon that notion. This is what maturity entails.
3 Key Areas to Never Change
The ones you need to remain the same in are honesty, integrity, and consistency (doing those things that you initially did to get the person).
- Honesty– this should be hard coded in our DNA, but for some it is not. We have all fell victim once in our lives to someone who lied to us. As we get older, we should stop telling all those little white lies we tell. One lie, even a small one we think won’t matter, can leave a crack in the foundaiton of an otherwise solid relationship. If you’re an honest person, don’t change this about you. Always be truthful with your spouse. I have been a victim, and I have also been the cause of problems in a relationship based on this particular trait.
- Integrity– this simply means doing the right thing when no one is monitoring you. If you have been raised right, practice having integrity, and never compromise it for anyone or anything.
- Consistency– this one concept eluds many, and it takes a lot to be consistent. But if you are, don’t ever lose your drive, and don’t ever stop what you’re doing. Many people make excuses and people who are consistent get it done.
The main focus of this concept is to never lose sight and never lose focus of the things that originally attracted you to the person and the person to you. If you do this and remain consistent, this is just one concept that will prevent break-ups, infidelity, and other things. Good luck on your journey. The next few articles are going to be over core concepts. The next of which is core concept #2. If you needed a refresher of what all the core concepts are, here is a link to the entire list: 11 core concepts to relationship building. Or you could just watch the short video below.
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I get really deep into relationship issues and how to create a solid one in my book The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. The information in chapter 5 is so valuable its worth the price of the entire book alone. To buy the book, click HERE. The eBook is only $4.99 and the paperback is $15.
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