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How do you deal with the letdown of a failed relationship? How do you move on?
Lots of us like to try things, and if they don’t work it, we like to quit. We like to just give up. And if you really want to have that decent relationship you have to realize that there is going to be some trial and error involved there. You’re just not going to find the right person the first time you search.
It’s not going to be love happily ever after. This does happen but it is very rare. Research shows that this is not the case always. Relationships can be tough, and they really can be heartbreaking and can really discourage you from wanting to get back out there. So I’m going to give you a few tips on how you can heal and move on from the letdown of a failed relationship.
First of all, give yourself some grace. Realize that you are human. Humans make mistakes. Also, realize that sometimes we think that something might be good and once we invest a little bit of time, we learn otherwise. And sometimes that is necessary to learn an important lesson so you don’t make the mistake again, and you can capitalize on that learning going forward.
One thing you can do is don’t quit. Dont ever say that I’m not ever going to date again because all guys are dogs, or all women just want you for your money. This is going to prevent you from actually experiencing life at its greatest. Your mindset is a very commanding factor. When you determine in your mind that you’re not going to pursue another relationship, it will be that much harder for you to get over that fear of being in a relationship and being let down. I know sometimes its a very touching thing to be moved by someone and to let someone in your heart, only for them to let you down in whichever way, whether they lied to you or they cheated on you or they just don’t live up to your expectations. So give yourself time to heal.
For more tips on how to move on from the letdown of a failed relationship you can also read the article How to Overcome Past Hurts and Start Fresh. Once you give yourself time to heal, you need to wipe the slate clean. If you find yourself constantly thinking about the guy that you broke up with, you’re not ready yet to start a new relationship. I understand that sometimes you never forget about the wounds that caused you great pain. And you don’t have to forget them, but you definitely do have to forgive and move forward. If you’re with a guy and you’re having a conversation and several times during the conversation your ex comes up, then you’re not yet over him and you’re not ready to move on to something new.
“You can never move forward with one foot in the past.”
You’re still sulking and dwelling on that past letdown and you need to move on. You can never move on with one foot in the past. You will never move forward. You have to give yourself time to heal, you have to forgive, and then you have to do things that make you feel good. Some of the hobbies that you like to do, focus more on that. Focus some of your time and energy on things that make you smile. Focus on things you can do by yourself. Because for some people, having a failed relationships takes them a longer time to actually want to get back out into the dating scene.
6 tips to help you cope and move on
To recap those few tips I just mentioned, here they are in a short list.
- give yourself some grace
- don’t ever give up or quit
- give yourself time to heal
- forgive and move forward
- do things that make you feel good
- focus on things you can do by yourself
The Solution to Getting Over the Letdowns, Dissapointments, and Pain
In conjunction with those 6 tips I just gave you, we can focus on 5 different concepts or mindset shifts to help you through it. Today we move so quickly that we don’t give ourselves enough of that one universal thing everyone tries to get more of but never has. That universal thing is our time. And we can never get it back once it’s spent or wasted. We never take enough time to get to know people, to learn from our miscues, to develop feelings, to have sex- you get the picture. So we just waste precious time fumbling around with this stuff. This is why I’m going to be your guide.
Time is our most valuable asset, and we are so careless with it. We have to focus where out time goes to make the best of our relationships, and our lives.I want to help you use it better and more wisely. I’ve developed 5 different mindsets we really need to hone in on so we can move past those letdowns. I’m going to help you be the star you really are. I’m going to help you experience the life you’ve been missing out on. We are going to stop going through the motions and happen to life. Enough letting life happening to us!
The 5 Mindset Shifts
“Learn to reflect on what happened before you try something else.”
Moving forward, there are 5 different mindsets we can examine to make the transition to starting over and creating a refreshing new outlook and mindset.
- Action (getting back out there)
I’ve got to start by saying that failure is a part of life. There isn’t one person who has gone through life and figured it out completely. That isn’t realistic so know that you’re part of a huge gang of people who’ve all done it. We all fall short. None of us are perfect, so don’t worry so much about failing. Everything just simpy won’t work out. Lots of things will, but some things won’t. Now, on to your winning! Let’s do this!
The Reflection Mindset Shift. Before we open a new chapter, we should always close the one we just got done with. So many of us think we can bandage a wound by placing someone else on top of those open hurts. Another person won’t help if you’re still hurting in your heart. Even if the person is great, considerate, and helps you through that pain, until you make that decision, you won’t be ready to wipe the slate clean with that new person. We should take sime time, and reflect on what just happened. This will give us an idea what we can take away from the failure.
“You should never make the same mistake twice.”
The Learning Mindset Shift. We have to learn. I can’t stress this one enough. It’s okay to make mistakes. As a matter of fact you should make hundreds if not thousands of mistakes over a lifetime. But you should never make the same mistake twice. We complain a lot about our current status, the way our lives have turned out, or we may feel like we just always land crappy people for partners. Some of it is because we keep turning to those same kinds of scenarios and people who always in the long run end up doing the same thing. We have to shake it up a bit, and do something different. Learn from your mistakes.
“Most of us don’t ever adjust to what we’ve learned. We keep doing the same things over and over.”
The Adjustment Mindset Shift. We need to learn to adjust. In business, they take actions, they look at the analytics, then make adjustments from their mistakes. We should do the same thing in our relationships. We should take time to reflect, learn from our mistakes, then adjust to what we’ve discovered. Most of us don’t ever adjust to what we’ve learned. We keep doing the same things over and over. One definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting different results. It’s not going to happen. Let’s get it together. You know I got you right? Check out my QRA worksheet. If you do the work, you’ll get the results.
The Re-evaluation Mindset Shift. Once we adjust to what we’ve discovered, then it’s time to do a re-evaluation of what’s important to us. As we get older, as we get wiser, and as we make mistakes, we change. We change our goals, ambitions, dreams, and definitely who and what we want in a partner. It becomes more defined and the focus becomes narrowed. Once we come through one of these letdowns, it is time for a re-evaluation to see if we still actually want the same thing, or if our direction has changed.
“Once we adjust to what we’ve discovered, then it’s time to do a re-evaluation of what’s important to us.”
The Action Mindset Shift. Perfection is always the enemy of progress. We always want everything to be “perfect’ before we take action. And what does that produce? Inaction. We get stuck on all the circumstances being perfect or right all the time, and that just paralyzes us. We look for this and that, we check our standard checklist we’ve come up with, we cross our t’s and dot our i’s and we never take action. Like one of the people I look up to says, “just ship it.” That probably was a bad analogy but the idea is the same. By ship it, he means get it out there; take action. I’m telling you the same. Take action. Stop sitting idly by. There are old school people who always quote the phrase “he that findeth a wife findeth a good thing.” I’m old school. I understand where they’re coming from. But no one can “find” you if you aren’t out there playing in the game.
No coach can gauge a player’s value and what they bring to the team if they never play. Get in the game and put up some points. You might foul out. You might have some turnovers. You might get a couple blocks and some steals. But you can’t win if you don’t play. Take action and get back out there so you can win.
“Perfection is always the enemy to progress.”
Get back out there and live your life. Take these 6 tips and these 5 mindset shifts, and go win. And so you can take these with you, I’ve created a quick checklist you can download. Look for the yellow bar. Click that bar and get your FREE download. I really want you to be able to go out there and crush it. One thing is for certain. You can’t get any results by doing nothing. So go out there and practice these actionable steps and these jewels I’m dropping. Let’s go!
I want to help you start building a fresh brand new healthy relationship, or solidify and strengthen a seasoned one and watch that transformation in your life take place. These are a few ideas that you can implement right now to start building a healthy relationship.
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I get really deep into relationship issues and how to create a solid one in my book The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. The information in chapter 5 is so valuable its worth the price of the entire book alone. To buy the book, click HERE. The eBook is only $4.99 and the paperback is $15.
Relationships affect everyone. If you have an argument or disagreement with a spouse or partner, it could cause you to have a bad day. And when you have a truly special moment, you could feel like you’re on cloud nine all day!
I’m dedicated to helping you build those quality relationships. Its all in the book! And if you want to learn even more tips, tricks and strategies behind the way men think, then you’ve got to listen to this podcast!
And I’ve developed a brand new course to accompany the book! Have you ever had an argument with your spouse, and it just made the whole day turn out bad? I have. Relationships affect you in a lot of ways. And because they carry such heavy weight on your life, I want to help out in this area. I’ve devoted an entire course to addressing these issues.
Sometimes your partner just doesn’t understand you. Maybe they don’t know how to communicate with you. Maybe you want to win in relationships but you need a little help to put that flame back in your relationship, or maybe you’re looking for a quality person to start a relationship with. If you want to learn how to do that, no matter where you are in your relationship journey, I have the answer for you.
The first is to go check out the tactics in my book, The Truth: Keeping it 100, The Blueprint to Relationships. After you buy the book, you can take it a step further and go through my Relationship Resolutions Signature Course: Click here for more information.
If what you’ve been doing hasn’t worked or you need some key winning tactics, you need my course. Even if things are going great it’s going to shore up your relationship to make it even stronger. You can enroll in my Relationship Resolutions Signature Course today!
This course is specifically designed to help you win! I’m teaching by videos, and a bunch of worksheets, articles, bonus resources and audio to help get your life and your relationship the transformation it deserves! This course is the Rolls Royce of relationship programs: The Relationship Resolutions Signature Course. Click here to learn more!
Do you need a blueprint and a guideline to answer some of the toughest questions about relationships? Is he telling the truth? Can I trust him? Why is there a double standard? Then purchase the book and take one of my courses.